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Engagement Age: Does it matter?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Hopeful, Oct 25, 2015.

  1. Hopeful

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    Just curious what your thoughts are. I found out that a couple of people I know who have been dating only since this spring just got engaged. At 20. I've known her vaguely for a number of years and he only a year and they're both great people. I just don't know how this will play out.

    I guess I'm somewhat biased: one of my best friends got engaged at 19 (or possibly just turned 20) and got married last summer at 21. Well now she's in the process of getting a divorce. They were married a year.

    I know someone else who is either 19 or 20 who is married and now pregnant.

    For me, I'm almost 23 and nowhere near ready to get married. If ever. I guess maybe engagements scare me because I don't feel ready? Perhaps I would if I met the right person, but still.

    What do you think? Do you think there's an "age" or a length of time you should date someone before getting engaged? I think it's also different if you've been friends or known someone for years and only dated for a little while before getting engaged, but I don't know.
     
  2. BookWriter1994

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    HOLY COW!

    half of people that I know from middle school and high school is either getting married, engaged or on their second kid already and half of them are around my age or two.

    and I strongly believe that people should get married after at least four years of dating. or three at the latest but half the people I know so far had gotten engage after a year and one six months! this is too crazy for me and all of them need to slow down to be honest. lol
     
  3. Aspen

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    I don't think there's an age or a length of time two people should date before getting engaged. It depends on the people involved and their relationship. I do think it depends on how long they've known each other. I also think it depends on whether they plan for it to be a long engagement or if they're in a rush to have the wedding.

    That being said, I think it's better to wait. People go through a lot of changes in their early 20s. They go away to college, they move, they get jobs. It's a time for a lot of people to figure out who they are and what they want out of life. Sometimes that means changing in a way that's not compatible to their relationship.
     
  4. zigazigah

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    This. I also have recently been experiencing the wave of engagement announcements on my FB page of people my own age, and I'm not gonna say I know what's best for them you know? They know themselves better than I do. At the same time, several of them are going to be applying for grad school soon, out of state. That will obviously put a lot of strain on their relationships, whether they both pack up and move together (and the partner has to look for a new job) or if they try long-distance.

    I just know that I'm not even the same person I was when I was 20, so I have no idea what I will want a year from now. Right now I'm sitting pretty happily in the "I never wanna get married camp" B)
     
  5. crazydiamond

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    I know that since LGBT people can get married now, more people are going to be jumping on the opportunity to get married. I do agree that we should not rush into marriage so young. Three or so years to get married (at least) sounds reasonable to me.
     
  6. Lone Dragon

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    I don't think people should rush to get married. I don't know how people can do it all in their early twenties. A lot can change in just a year, especially in your twenties.

    I always say I can barely take care of myself, let alone a relationship. Don't know how people can get married, have a kid, and a full time job all by the age of 21. It's crazy to me.

    Some people can make it work. I just hope people don't compare their lives to others and don't feel rushed for marriage.

    I think it's better to wait a couple of years. And I agree, I think it depends on how long you've known the person, but you got to see if the relationship works as well. It's better or easier on oneself to be at a peace of mind in ones own life before something so life changing.
     
  7. CameOutSwinging

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    Don't get married or engaged before 25. So much of the person you are can and will change before you're 25.

    I almost got married at a young age. We were in a relationship from the time I was 21 until I was 28. I loved her, but I wish now that we hadn't been as serious and tied down and essentially married (we lived together for 6.5 of those 7 years) as I feel that I missed out on a lot of "being young."
     
  8. Kaboom

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    I agree with Swinging; not before 25.

    I also think couples should live together for at least a year before tying the knot
     
  9. RainbowGreen

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    I don't really know.

    Marriage doesn't seem stable to me. I guess you should be dating for at least 2 years before marriage, but even then, there's no guarantee it'll work out.
     
  10. SemiCharmedLife

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    To me, age doesn't matter so much as where you are in life. I know I don't want to commit to someone until I feel like I have more of my own personal ducks in a row--living where I want to live and moving up in my professional career. And this is coming from someone who's been in a great relationship for what will be 18 months on Sunday.
     
  11. robclem21

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    I think the amount of time dating has only a slight influence on what age two people will get engaged at. It depends on many things including how old they were when they started dating and what stages of life they are at.

    For example:

    I know friends who have been dating for 10+ years. They are great together, get along amazing, have fun, and are loving and supportive. I don't think anyone would make a better husband/wife than them. However, at 24, they are still living at home, just finished school, looking for jobs and trying to get the rest of their lives under way. With all these other factors, getting engaged doesn't make sense (both financially and logistically).

    On the hand, me and my boyfriend have been only dating for 9 months. We have talked about moving in together and getting engaged. I am currently in medical school and he is working towards a career as well, and we are at a pretty good point where we will both be ready to start lives together. Granted we are still getting to know each other so its probably not in the immediate future, but the amount of time we will be dating before we are engaged won't be anything near what my friends have been.

    I think its important not to rush anything, but I would be surprised if there was more than just a slight correlation between amount of time spent dating before engagement and if it was successful or not.
     
  12. SumitaSofat

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    I dont think so..... It is your life enjoy it as you want..
     
  13. Plattyrex

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    Marriage is a big commitment, and ou really shouldn't rush into it. Just wait until you're ready and don't feel pressured to do things you aren't ready for.