Post-Breakup trauma. Advice needed.

Hello. Thankyou for having me on this forum. It's a pleasure to be here.

I've joined because I'm in need of some post-breakup advice. Because I cannot deal with this on my own and I'm in need of some support. I'll try to keep it as brief as I can. But I do waffle.

So in September last year I met this guy that recently returned from travelling back home and came back to his old job where I now work. We messed about a bit and then by December we were in a relationship. He is my first ever homosexual relationship and I wasn't out. I kept us secret from everyone but gradually over time outed myself to people (the last bring my Mum).
Things were going ok and from strength to strength but then our boss found out and we were sacked for being together. This was hard on us both hard but for me it was like my whole world was torn away. My job was my life because I worked , are, socialised and drank there. And then this guy comes along and suddenly that's it. I was full of resentment and loathing and to my absolute shame I had responded to a message an old ****** fancy had sent me. And we started chatting. We had and will never meet as he is 100s of miles away and I loved my boyfriend. But it happened.

So February 1st my boyfriend , whilst I was sleeping , hacked on my iPhone using my thumbprint (technology....) and saw everything we had been taking about. I ofcourse never meant for him to find out because it wasn't really anything. But since then he just couldn't trust me. I wasn't aware of how he was feeling until very much later.

We split up in August. In that interim period we had been on holiday , I'd me this family , paid for him to go abroad , treated him in every way he deserved and then , via Facebook on my 15 minute break at work , said it was over. Charming.

Since then I've just been so confused about everything. He invites me out for drinks , talks to me every single day , and seems like he wants o be my friend. But I'm just not sure what that even means. And whether or not I can really take that or even want that.
Things seem to be going Thoth the motions. He has banned me from his flat yet wants me to come there on Saturday. He wants the single life but also asks for money all the time , and tells me how unhappy he is. He tells me things that is just not standard for a typical ex.

What do I do ? I know he is on ****** but his profile is very generic with no picture and just his age. I only knew it was him because he went away to a different part of the country and revealed himself. I had favourited his profile when I saw him. When he came back home he changes it back again to what it was.

I really do love him. More then what I can describe. He took me into his world and I made good friends with his friends and very much became part of his world. But now I feel isolated because I don't know anyone else. I've no one to confide in because everyone does and has told him exactly what I've said mans breaking my confidence. I want him back but I just don't know how. He has said that if I hadn't of sent those messages things would've been ok now. But that was so many months ago and a lot has happened since then and I stuck with the man I love. I watched him almost die in hospital (he had a cardiac arrest) because he took some drugs and if I wast there he would be dead. No question of it. That's what the hospital staff even said. But I stuck by it.

Where can I go from here ? Should I spend time with him? Or should I just call time and have nothing to do with him or his world?

Advice is very much needed now.

Thankyou in advance.

(&&&)