Confused about a guy

I'm 25,gay, and hardcore crushing on a guy in my classes at university. He's 20 and claims to be bisexual but then at other times simply opts for bi curious/confused. The thing about him is that he CONFUSES and confounds me to no extent by his behavior. He's legit the FIRST whom I've been able to physically be close to in an intimate way seeing as I've struggled with social anxiety and rejection all throughout my life. Though we haven't done anything sexual, he has allowed me to lay my head on his shoulder, play with his hair, sensually play with his ears, my hands running across his thighs and even hold his arm while we walk around campus, much to mixed reactions from onlookers whom I honestly could care less about. The thing is that despite all that he lets me do, he keeps stressing that we're just "friends" for now and he's not sure what might happen down the road. He has talked about another gay friend he has in the past and how it took them "months before anything experimental happened" and that has left me feeling weirded out. I'm a very emotional and romantic individual and yes I do like the prospect of sexual intimacy but I am not someone to merely be experimented with. I CRAVE romance over sex.

I also tend to be a very touchy feely person and I like to hold hands, interlock arms, hug him a lot, and just be close physically and a lot of times he has told me what he's uncomfortable with which I'm slowly BUT surely trying to ingrain in my head. Here's the thing about him that annoys me, he keeps stressing we're just "friends" and yet we shared an intimate moment where my hand found it's way down to his crotch and I was very delicately playing around there, he was fully clothed btw, and he did NOTHING to pull away from me. I tested his reaction for a short while and then was the one to pull away so as to not appear like I was forcing myself onto him.

He has mentioned TWO girls he's somewhat seeing, yeah I know it's kinda messed up that there are two other people, and how one of them he made out with in a short span of two months. It somewhat makes me jealous because with girls he's just so quick to talk about how attractive they are and yet when I ask him what he thinks of me, he's very reluctant to say anything. The vibe I get from him is that he admires my mind, my thoughts and the way I speak but I still don't know if he finds me "attractive" or anything like that. I asked him about another guy we know and whether he found him to be attractive and his answer was an instant "yes!"


Am I wasting my time with this guy? Like I said, this is the first time I've felt so physically close to another guy and also I am getting validation that my plumbing downstairs is actually working because I've had painful struggles of thinking I was "abnormal" since I rarely thought about sex and was more inclined for romance. Just holding his arm, cuddling with him etc gives me a physical reaction and that makes me feel normal for once.


I just don't like how he keeps saying things like "maybe wait till jan, we'll see what happens with us then. it takes time for me to warm up to anyone. I think you're an interesting guy"

I'm so confused. I don't want to be in competition with some other girls he maybe texting, meeting up on the side etc. Also, I told many times I just "like him" and that's quite a big step for me seeing as I have hidden in the closet for so long, afraid and fearful of who I was, and he said something along the lines of "you're allowed to think whatever you want man, i don't mind"

If someone doesn't like you, has not got even a modicum of interest in you, then they WON'T allow you to be in their personal space like I was. He would have pushed me away a long time ago and yet he hasn't. I also sorta confronted him and asked what his feelings were the first day i got physically close to him and he goes "i'm indifferent about you touching me. I don't hate it nor do I like it" and I go "no, that's a lie. I saw your facial and body language, you enjoyed it" and he was speechless and quiet.

What do I do now? Do I just back off and let him come to me? Do I back off and simply let it be whatever it is ? I'm so CONFUSED! I can't stop thinking about him

 

THANK you for saying that! It's just hard because he's quite young and I naturally like "caring" for him in a supportive and emotional way, like I keep checking up on him and making sure he's okay and I like doing all that. I like being physical with him, it makes me feel high and the best way I can put it is, an emotional orgasm but yeah, he just doesn't want to see me that way....just yet? idk i don't want to play angles anymore, i just am conflicted because i crave romance so much

 

So I bluntly just asked him if he was attracted to me and he outright said "No" and then I felt so rejected, hurt, and as if something was wrong with me physically, ie my looks etc. I bounced back pretty quick though and talked to him and we agreed to remain friends. The thing though is that he intentionally mentions girls he's seeing and even said "I don't know where I am with her but hopefully it will be a relationship" he said all this to another straight guy full well knowing that I was within ear shot. He even tried to gauge my reaction. I felt hurt.

I just am a very caring and emotional person and I have an URGE to want to comfort, care, and uplift people and when you add a romantic angle to it, it's just a giant production of my feelings.

So now I find myself wanting to continue talking to him, as a friend of course, but I find that I keep wanting to nurture and empower him so as to not be let down by his insecurities and what not.

My main reason, aside from still being attracted to him, is that I know when I was his age I was confused as well and I went through serious anxiety, depression, loneliness, rejection and hurt because of who I was, my sexuality. I just DON'T WANT him to feel that way. Maybe I'm overbearing but I can't stop wanting to be there for him.

I know he's manipulative in the sense that he wants people to constantly pay attention to him, draw them towards him and compliment him so he was merely using me to feel Big and Masculine but I just can't stop from wanting to be there for him because I feel there are really good elements to him too.

Even after rejecting me, he told me the next day "I've had gay friends before but you're just so different" and I didn't know how to take it. I feel that to him, I represent a big transition towards accepting his sexuality and so he's afraid to take that leap. He's going around with these two girls to experiment feelings and the physicality of it all but when it comes to me, he's nervous. He's enamored by my mind and personality, I can tell.


I talked to a couple of people who know us both and they suggested I back away and just let him make the "final decision"

I'm just afraid one day he's going to come and tell me that he's in a relationship with one of those girls and then I'll really feel hurt and defeated.

He recently told me he had to go to the clinic to get blood work done because of some health complications and I turned into a caring mom after that. I find myself asking if he's "eaten anything" or "did you drink water? you seem dehydrated"

I know I'm to blame in all this. Everyone, including people here, say that I should just leave him but it's really hard.

I keep having this stupid notion that if I continue showing him who I really am, an incredibly caring person then one day something might happen.

I am definitely distancing myself from him though. I don't cling as much nor am I tagging after him like I did before. It's pretty much a "do what you want to do man" kind of thing but sigh I just can't shake him from my head

 

we actually are in the same Counseling program at University and so A LOT of our classes deal with discussing emotions, talking about personal feelings etc He has told me about his confusion in the past and how he was bullied etc so I feel it's the case. I guess you're right though. I just feel like a moron for even trying. He's the first guy I've ever told upfront that I liked and rejection is just hard to take. I don't even want to meet other gay guys, I think it's pointless and will end up like this case. Oh well.

 

I had this internal panic at work just because I was thinking about him, the rejection etc and he was the first person I texted and told him I was feeling bad. I didn't tell him exactly what i was going through but just that I was feeling "bad" and that if I could expect a "hug" from him the next time I saw him and his reply was "a big hug, that I can totally do". The next I saw him, I was the one to prompt him about it and go "you owe me something" and he obliged. He gets nervous around me which I understand. I'm not trying to get into his pants or pursue anything with him other than a friendship but he keeps dodging me. I wanted to talk to him about something and I even told him and though he said he would, he ditched me. I ran into him today and he didn't want to look at me but finally after furtive glances at him, he did end up looking. I gave him a half smile but he just had a blank face. He ditched me again. It's just a cat and mouse game and I'm giving up.