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Making the first move

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by TheAnon32, Oct 30, 2015.

  1. TheAnon32

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    So there is this guy go I go to extra lessons with and he is always super friendly to me. He is super friendly to everyone though. I have had occasional conversations with him over the past 2 years and he knew my name but I never asked his and so now i actually asked it after all this time. We joked about and he told me so i added on Facebook. So naturally... I begin to stalk his Facebook and I see he has over 900 friends. I pretty sure he is gay too but nobody our age actually comes out in this country and he could just be overly friendly. Is there anyway I could hint to him that I'm interested or somehow make the 1st move without outing myself in case my suspicions are wrong. I know some stereotypes are wrong but his eyebrows are plucked, constantly takes selfies and in his prom pic with a girl she captioned "bestest bestie friend ever"
     
  2. RawringSnake

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    He sounds like the kind of guy that would take it pretty chill if you came out to him even if he turns out to be straight. Alternatively you could just ask him if he is gay (no, this isn't outing yourself) and go from there. I dunno, this seems like a very low-risk scenario to me. I say go for it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
     
  3. TheAnon32

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    idk, where im from asking someone if they are gay is a major insult. This is a very strong (old england) religious country.
     
  4. AlexLee

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    You could casually bring up a conversation about different types of lifestyles and see how he reacts or what he things about people who are gay.
     
  5. TheAnon32

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    Let me know if you think this is too forward or im calling myself out. I just want to see if he is interested in me while being able to fall back if he isn't and play it off as if i was just curious. I think I will ask him this :
    "Hey could I ask you something. I won't tell anyone your answer to this and I'm cool if you are but do you 'like like' me?"
    Do you think that is too forward or idk? Let me know plz!
     
    #5 TheAnon32, Nov 23, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2015
  6. cibi

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    Always think of different types of outcomes in situations like this like a worst/best case scenario thing i always list like about 5 or 6 that way no outcome will be painfull or surprising.this sounds like a low-risk conversation what u just asked so go for it
     
  7. TheAnon32

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    So haven't had the courage or opportunity to ask him but i was able to get the class early enough to grab a seat where he usually sits. Usually people reserve all the seats around his area because he his popular. So I'm sitting and he decides to sit next to me and through the class we were talking every now and again and eventually a rest his head on my shoulder for a moment (my heart was racing :icon_redf ). Later in the class he said he would try to walk to the mall with me to kill time between classes which wasn't a part of his original plans. He was planning on going home before the next class but he ended up having to go home. In the later class he mentioned something about the print on my shirt and i forgot what i was wearing so he brushed his hand across my chest to point it out. Then after class he told me he wished he could have come to the mall because he had some shopping to do. Then he shook my hand like he always does and asked if I would be in class tomorrow and then left. IDK how to deal with this. I really think i like him now.
     
  8. TheAnon32

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    Am I reading into it too much?
     
  9. bookreader

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    Maybe, possibly. Lots of people read into stuff too much. I would just keep being there early to grab a seat.
     
  10. ImHappy247

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    bookreader's idea is kind of a good one. I think if you're really interested in this guy you should try to know him better, as ''friends'', but if I had to bet I'd say he's interested in you, or at least interested in getting to know you better.

    Asking him if he likes you is (in my opinion) not a good plan cause he'd probably just say no (if what you say about your country is true) and would be just a dead end. But you could try to ask something like ''Do you think <famous hottie actor or singer or famous person> is hot?''. In my country gays arent all that accepted but questions like that get asked all the time, the worst that could happen is that he'd say ''I wouldn't know cause I'm not gay''or something like that.

    But either way getting to know him better in a friendly way is probably the best you can do.
     
  11. TheAnon32

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    So yea I know it's been a while.
    Update:
    He has been a little more flirtatious with me. So a couple weeks ago I was sitting with him and his friend who is a girl and HE was talking about this boy from my school that he things is "so hot". She said something along the lines of "stop being so gay". He then defended himself by saying "I mean guys could be hot, like you (me) are hot but girls are hotter." I responded with "um..are you bi or something" and he said, "no I just hang around with girls all my life". The about a week later we sat with each other in class and he was acting kinda silly thoughout the class then he moved his hand up and down about half way up my thigh. I he then stopped and I just casually moved my book on my lap to hide my semi :icon_redf . Anyways after that I have been kinda waiting to get him alone to ask him out. I don't know if that touching was innocent or not because he is quite touchy. Last I saw him I was hanging out with my friends in class the whole time and we never spoke so at the end he came up to me and he said "you didn't talk to me for the whole time". I kinda giggled and we talked for a bit and as everyone around us left I was just about to ask him out..and then his car came :bang:.
    Any tips to get him alone? He is always surrounded by his friends who don't really seem to like me much. Not to say they are straight up mean but they are kind of stuck up or they think I'm stuck up because I'm from the city.
     
  12. TheAnon32

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  13. CharacterStudy

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    Sounds risky to me. Work on becoming more friendly, try to get some time with him alone or in smaller groups. Wait for an LGBT topic to come up on the main news, and make an open/supportive comment about it, fairly subtly, and see what his response is. You don't have to be obvious, just something like 'oh that presidential candidate is making nasty comments about gay marriage now. I don't get why people get so upset about it. Live and let live.'
    If he responds with 'I think it's disgusting' then you probably have your answer. If he agrees in any way then you know he's at least supportive and the danger to you is less.

    If you come out to him or ask him if he's gay, given the cultural issues he is likely to deny it, or it could even be dangerous for you. Test his opinions first.
     
  14. R M

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    sounds risky. I would go super far with the first move. maybe you could compliment him on how good he's doing something, or saying that maybe he's wearing a nice shir that day. something like that. If youre not sure about him being into you, I wouldnt do anything more of a big move, if you know what I mean.
     
  15. cakepiecookie

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    Can you just ask him to hang out, like not an official date but something that could be interpreted as just friends? Or would that be too obvious?
     
  16. TheAnon32

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    IDK. I mean we only see each other at lessons and don't really talk outside of that. Also he lives like at least an hour away. I will just try to be friends for now.
     
  17. cakepiecookie

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    Hmmm...can you check out what he "likes" on Facebook and see if there's anything stereotypically gay there? Maybe something you could work into conversation if you're into it too?

    Otherwise, I think your best bet is just to be friendly and a bit flirtatious with him. If he's straight, he'll probably be oblivious.
     
  18. TheAnon32

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    He did like something with pretty little liers and another time once commented on something about him doing his eyebrows (which he does) & a couple girls responding with "yaaas"....I mean that might be a hint.
     
    #18 TheAnon32, Apr 23, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2016