Hey all, I don't know if anyone will actually see or respond to this but I need advice. I came out a year and a half ago as bisexual. One of the first people I told (before my Nan or my Dad) was my best friend. She accepted me straight away and even came with me to my first Pride. We've known each other for 10 years but we lost contact and only became best friends shortly before I came out. The thing is, she has now messaged me telling me she's also bi. I don't have a problem if she is but she tends to copy a lot of mine and my friend's personality traits. For example, I told her about my friend's anorexia and she said she had it too, I told her I suffer with anxiety and panic attacks and suddenly she has the same anxiety issues as me. I don't care if she is bi or even just confused but she's never shown any interest in women before and she seems to be taking coming out very lightly. I would be extremely hurt and angry if I found out she has lied just to get a reaction and attention, especially since she knows how much I struggled to accept my sexuality. My question is: how do I get to the truth of the matter without seeming like a hypocrite and still supporting her?
Perhaps once you came out as bi and told her about your issues with anxiety it helped her be brave enough to tell you, because she felt you'd understand, something along those lines? However you obviously know her better than me so you really feel....I dunno suspicious? You could ask her how did she cope with anxiety etc ask her which female celeb she has a crush on that sorta thing but be careful, you dont want to appear too non supportive so if you wish to continue, do so with caution
I agree with Ally Girl, your sharing may have given her the courage to confide in you. On the other hand, I do find it a bit odd. Mental disorders like anorexia and anxiety don't just fade away on their own. How did she act over time? Did she seem to struggle for a time and then spontaneously recover? Do you have any reason to suspect that she might be doing it for attention, like the two of you have been drifting apart recently? It's possible she could be bi even if she'd never shown signs of being interested in women before. A lot of people are very good at hiding their feelings when they're in the closet. A year and a half is quite some time since you've come out; maybe she's recently done some soul-searching and realized she might be bi as well.
We have been spending less time together because I'm at college and going to uni next year, so will be moving to London. The thing about her saying she suffered with anorexia is that (I don't want to sound mean) she's always been slightly on the larger side and I've known her for 10 years. I know we all take our time to accept ourselves and feel comfortable to come out but it just felt really odd that she hasn't told me sooner when her family knows I'm bi and her mum calls me her daughter so she knew they wouldn't react badly if she came out. The thing is, she's told me numerous times as well that she's straight. I want to be supportive but I also don't want her to think she can treat sexuality as some kind of 'cool' thing, like a toy and then get bored of it. That's what makes people like my Dad think bisexuality is just a phase.
I can say from my experience that eating disorders can take many different forms and look very differently from person to person. I am overweight and also have an eating disorder but don't talk about it often because people don't usually believe me. I also have only come out as bi now (I am on my last year of college) even though I have known I am not straight for a while. People experience sexuality differently and have different experiences coming out. Obviously you are the only one that truly knows your friend and if she is sincere or not. You may very well be right. But I would say give her the benefit of the doubt, but I understand I don't know the whole context.
