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Upset about best friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Antinous, Nov 3, 2015.

  1. Antinous

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    Hi...I'm posting because I think my best friend is being 'hard to reach' since I came out to him a couple weeks ago.

    Background: I'm a guy, and I recently realized that I'm gay. My best friend is married, lives in another city, and I admit is busy with a new-ish house. I came out to him via text message about 2 weeks ago and his response was great and very supportive. Since then, we have texted light-heartedly several times, but I've tried to get him on the phone to talk but he's been hard to pin down. Last Friday I asked when he might be free to catch up on the weekend, and he didn't text back until the next day...and even then, he didn't tell me when might be a good time to chat. I said if he doesn't suggest a time, I'd just cold call, and he said, "okay". So on Sunday I called and got voice mail and left a pleasant message. I didn't hear back until Monday night (granted, he DID call), but I had JUST met up with my brother (who I'm not out to), so I said it wasn't a good time to talk. I called again this afternoon, and again later in the evening, then got a text from him saying he's in a meeting (8pm) and might have time to talk before bedtime. Then bedtime came and I got a short text saying, "yeah, i'm too busy tonight". He said he's call me sometime after work. I asked him for a time, so I could be at home and avoid making plans, but he was vague again.

    I know I sound very sensitive about this, but I spilled my guts to him a couple weeks ago, and I think a 'normal' best friend would reach out a little more....or at least be easier to reach out to. I don't want to piss him off by getting angry, but sheesh....I feel like he's toying with me, or is avoiding talking.

    Thanks for letting me rant. I've only come out to him and one other person, so my options for honest talk are limited.
     
  2. AlmostBlue

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    I think you should cut him some slack. I think he's been very respectful and have responded to you every time within a day. It seems that he's simply quite busy and although he tries to reach you when he has time, he cannot make plans ahead of time at this point. It would be more rude if he would tell you an exact time to call, and when the time comes, he can't because he's too busy. Like you say, I think you are very sensitive about this since you have just come out to him, and he's the only person you can talk to about this. Do you want to call him to talk more about your sexuality? If that's the case and that's important to you, you should make that clear to him. I'm sure he would try harder to make time for you. If you didn't make that clear, then maybe he thinks you want to continue with the light hearted conversations on the phone. Either way, I suggest easing up on him, and communicating with him more directly.
     
  3. Antinous

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    Thanks, AlmostBlue. I texted him last night to explain that i wanted to talk about the sexuality issue, and that settling on a private time to talk was important to me. He texted back saying it made sense, and that he wasn't clear to him before that i wanted a time to talk about these sensitive things. I still think it's a little dense on his part, but i can accept that.

    Why can't people just read my mind? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  4. Antinous

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    Quick update: We had a 2 hour talk on the phone last night (the first phonecall since I came out to him), and I feel much better about things now. We're good. I know he's not pulling away from me, which is what I was afraid of.
     
  5. justin88

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    That's awesome then, glad things worked out for you. :slight_smile:
     
    #5 justin88, Nov 5, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2015