So this is my first post and the first time I've ever actually opened up about this whole ordeal. I am 22 years old, born and raised in Ohio. Married my high school sweetheart when I was 20 and at the time I was still closeted. I identify as bisexual but only had hook ups and talked to guys in the past. My wife knew about them and one even happened during our marriage with her consent but I always still indent offices as straight until I tried to take my life in January of 2015. A month later I came out to everyone and said I just didn't want to hide from myself anymore. Since coming out I have gotten sober because I feel like I didn't need the substances any longer. My sexuality has always been confusing to me because I liked both girls and guys but I find far more guys attractive but, and this may be from being closeted and living two lives, I find myself wanting my wife and ALSO a guy. Not multiple of each sex. Only one of each. My wife decided (not under my suggestion) that she wanted me to start seeing guys too as log as I never left her and she knows I won't. I am uncomfortable with all of this because there is no term for a one sided polyamorous relationship but only with the same sex. I have a lot of mental health issues so it makes me sick thinking a may be doing something that is wrong but at times it feels right. I've been talking to a guy for four months and haven't even kissed him because I feel as though I'm doing something wrong. I just want a second opinion on this. The few people that do know think love is love and if that's how my relationship goes, I just just go with it. My wife is just trying not to help me figure things out but I feel like I may need this permanently and that scares me too because she is who I want to spend the rest of my life with. Thanks for reading my story.
Do what makes you happy. Polyamory doesn't have to mean that both partners in a relationship are seeing other people. It also doesn't mean that you can't put restrictions on who you want to date. If everyone involved knows what's going on and is okay with it, then it's okay. Your wife has said it's okay for you to date guys. As long as the guy you're dating knows that you're married and committed to your wife and is okay with that situation, you have nothing to be ashamed of.
I completely agree with Aspen that one of the most important things to make any relationship successful is that you've communicated. Sharing with your wife your honest feelings and being as open as possible is the best thing you can do. Also, making sure that any boyfriend you may find knows, understands, and is FULLY on board with the situation is key. Your wife seems like a great person and if she is supporting you through all of this then you shouldn't worry as much about the "one-sided polyamory". Just know that you have tons of support!
I appriciate the responses. I tend to really beat myself up about this whole thing. It's weird being attracted to both sexes at the same time. Feeling like being with one, I'll feel empty without the other. I hope it's my mind readjusting to being an honest person being my real self but I guess it could be permanent. And I am very lucky to have my wife. She is so understanding.
