Hey guys! Okay this is a really long story and has a massive history but i'll try to shorten it. So I'm 18 and a girl, and I've been in this weird relationship with one of my friends for about 7 months now...she's 17. We don't really see each other anymore because I'm in college now, but we still text ALL the time. So here's where I need some opinions. I have feelings for her. But I don't consider myself to be lesbian at all. I can only see myself dating guys and i definitely want to marry a man. However, I am definitely attracted to her emotionally and sexually. We are SUPER close...like abnormally close, and we know each other in ways that no one else does. The weird thing is that, well okay, we were just basic level friends for about 3 years BEFORE this "thing" started like 7 months ago. We talk about it all the time and it was weird but there was a noticeable shift in our friendship....we all of a sudden started texting ALL the time, saying good morning and goodnight, saying "i love you" a lot, joking about being lesbian lovers, having sleepovers and cuddling and cheek kisses, and we would stay up until like 3 am texting about really deep, deep things. Its something that i've never had with anyone else before and I have real feelings for her. Heres the problem...well, it's hard to explain. It's like we're already in a relationship. I mean, we take "breaks," we the term us and say things like "are you worried about us?" or "this will strengthen us," we talk all the time, and there's noticeable sexual tension between the two of us. But she claims that we're just friends.... She always says things like, "us really confuses me" and "yeah idk what we are" but then when it comes down to it, she always chickens out and says well we're just friends. She says shes straight but idk. Whenever we're together shes always pointing out really hot girls on instagram or on tv and saying "oh my god shes sooooooooooo prettyyyyyy" and she'll like lean on me. Sometimes she'll ask me if I think someone is gay and one time i said "no but I think he may be bi" and she just went BLANK and you could see she was uncomfortable that I even brought it up and she immediately changed the subject. So that's why Im wondering if she has these feelings for me too but she's just not "ready" to admit it to herself and she just is scared...? I cant truly believe she doesnt feel something for me too because we COULDNT have gotten this far along if it was only me. Theres this other girl that is in my major at school and she's really pretty and i always talk about her to this friend, and one time she got really jealous and was like "well why dont you go be with her then!" and "you can start over fresh with her!" and she seemed really snippy and irritated with me for the rest of the night. So i think she got jealous that I was making a big deal over this other girl, but she claims she wasnt jealous. So what I want to know is what you guys think of my situation...i know its really confusing and im sorry but like what do you think we are? Do you think she feels the same for me but maybe just isnt ready to admit it to me or herself? Are we in a relationship...? Thank you SO Much....this has been really bothering me for months so any comments would be appreciated. Thanks!!!
My advice would be to talk to her and try to clarify what each of you is feeling and wants out of the relationship. I recently had a really similar thing going on with a friend where it felt like we basically inched past the platonic friendship line and ended up in the netherworld between being friends and, well, being romantic partners. There was a period of time where that was fine for both of us and it was just comfortable and easy to be close the way we were. There wasn't a lot of honest communication going on about our feelings, though, and in the end I developed strong feelings for her that weren't reciprocated. Things started to get really uncomfortable between us and we ended up with a lot of misunderstandings/weird feelings that I think could have been avoided if we'd just been upfront to begin with. Anyway, I think the only way you'll know for sure is if she tells you herself.
Thanks! Yeah I think so too, but I dont think she's going to open up to me about that anytime soon. She isnt that mature mentally and shes very obsessed with "fitting in" and conforming. So admitting that she has feelings for me probably wont happen anytime soon...do you think she does though?
Hmm, it's hard to tell! It's too bad that she's not at a place where she can open up to you more. Based on her actions it sounds like maybe she does, but then again my friend who I mentioned before was really affectionate like that... I suspected that she had feelings for me, but it turns out that she was just genuinely a very snuggly person.
