I've always had feelings of myself that were just....odd. Pretty much, I tried to ignore them, but as time went on I found it harder to do. I haven't been uncomfortable with my physical body or anything like that. So, it's not the whole "I was born in the wrong body" thing that you hear about. Sometimes, I wouldn't feel this way but I felt sort of feminine in a way. I just felt like my overall energy is like this sometimes. For a while, I thought maybe I was gay. The thing is although I have had fantasies sometimes, I don't particularly like men that way in real life. The other day I colored in my nails with a permanent marker. I have to say that I really liked having it on. I really found it very relaxing in a way. I told them my parents about it, and I explained that it wasn't coming off. It had been like a week, and I was getting concerned about not being able to get it off. My Dad kind of shook his head at the whole thing. However, he basically just said "Don't do that again, because it's so hard to get off. It's your body, but use something that comes off next time if you do that." My Mom even said, "If you want to wear nail polish, I can give you some. That way you can get it off when you want to go to the pool." The thing is, I definitely would enjoy having it, but the idea of saying yes to it just made feel weird. So, I said I wasn't interested and just kind of laughed it off. Then, I went upstairs and while he thought I was out of earshot I heard my Dad say in kind of a disgruntled way, "He wants to dress like a girl." Now the whole thing just became so real. I just feel uncomfortable with myself for this, but I know I shouldn't. I just feel weird too, because I saw how much better I felt and all. I started feeling so much more at peace with myself and everything. I have to say it would be great if I was able to just be myself, and I guess I am. However, I just feel kind of weird. My Dad seemed somewhat taken aback (not my Mom though), but I feel like these are the types of things that a person would probably just get used to over time. I honestly don't think that I'm weird at all, but now I'm starting to feel like I am a freak.
You are not a freak. This is all perfectly normal I am gay and my brother is too, he started wearing nail polish at a young age in his teens aswell as makeup and my parents told him he was an embarrassment and to never wear it again. You are lucky your parents are so accepting compared to others. Take time to feel comfortable with yourself. It's all a bit strange at first, but as you said, you felt good with your nails coloured so do as you please if it makes you happy!! Don't be in a rush to figure it all out and don't expect to take pride in who you are all at once! It takes time I wish you all the best x
Thanks a lot. I'm doing pretty good, I'm actually happier now overall since I'm coming to accept myself more as I am How is your brother doing? I honestly would have been really devastated and crushed if I got that kind of reaction to me simply expressing myself. I really hope he's alright.
