Hey everyone, I just need a little advice from the community, ill try and keep my backstory short and to the point. (all names and places have been changed to protect the innocent / guilty ) So, im a 25 year old guy, for the past 5 years i have essentially been in love with my straight flatmate (lets call him Daniel) A year ago i decided i couldn't handle it anymore (details to follow) so went out, got a boyfriend (who we will call Mike) and decided to move (in August 2016) across to the other side of the world to live my life and be happy. The problem is that if you have been in love with someone for 5 years, it doesn't tend to go away. NOW i am not a cheat, i have never cheated on anyone, nor would I ever. However, a part of me still loves my flatmate (i have had conversations with my bf about it and he s so supportive and understanding having himself, been through something similar. Some backstory for you... Me and Daniel became friends in Uni, we got on so well and have lived together for the past 5 years, my feels developed and i thought he felt them in return so i asked him out - he told me he was sorry but is straight. I pulled myself together and carried on, however i always felt the sense that there was something more between us, so after what i felt was chemistry and more flirting, i asked him out agin 2 years later - again he tells me that he is straight. I accept and move on with my life. After Uni we continued to live together, except it is now just the two of us - here is where it gets weird. We cook each other dinner, lunch, breakfast. We do laundry for each other. This is fine - good flatmates. On the other hand, he let me give him massages (including my hands in his underwear (i never touched his junk) this was before my boyfriend), he picks me up from work at midnight, he buys me shower gel etc. when i run out, he has not had a girlfriend in the 5 years i have known him (few dates but no sex). He hates my boyfriend - so argumentative with him and unhappy when he comes over. On top of all of this there is such chemistry, the way we look, the body language, the veiled sexual comments I felt that this is an odd relationship for two straight men to have, its an even odder relationship for a straight man and a gay man who has confessed feelings for him. Either way, i feel this is messed up - chance my plan to move away and try and live and be happy. Unfortunately, after i told Daniel about my plan to move away he was initially supportive but over the months he has now changed his mind to come to the other side of the world too, even though he has repeatedly told me he does not like travelling and wanted to continue his current career. I know that career issues have encouraged him to move, but to come to the same country as me - OH MAN! I guess my question is, what do i do? I can't move out and i try and keep a lid on my feelings. I felt it was ok because i had my escape route planned but now he wants to come with me. I will never cheat but the other day i felt really turned onwhen he asked to come to my gym with me and we were in the showers (nothing physical happened but i won't be doing that again) Do i talk to him AGAIN?! and tell him a third time i still have some feelings - that feels pathetic? I feel a little trapped again and worried that i will never stop feeling anxious about the whole thing. Also, can i get some perspective that this is a very weird scenario? Any advice would be reaaaalllly appreciated, if anyone needs more info then ill happily give it.
Wow, that is weird. I don't know. Is he a lonely person? If you are his only friend that could be the reason he wants to follow you. But then again, the whole massage thing...it just doesn't seem like something a straight person would do. Maybe if you talk to him again tell him you are confused by his actions. Be up front with how he makes you feel and if he doesn't share those feelings tell him you really need the space to get over him and meet someone new.
Thanks Lindsey23, I sort of had a feeling that I'm going to have to talk to him again. Im just not sure how to do it? I have asked him out twice over the years and he has politely declined. I feel awful saying something again. I guess I'm afraid that this is all in my head and i will ruin things. What do i say? "oh hey, you know how i asked you out twice before and you said no? ... well i still have feelings for you after all these years and i can't take it anymore and i was going to Oz to get away from you?" Why does a small part of me still hold on to hope. I hate it, and i don't want it! How do you think i should do this?
