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should I stop hanging out with my gay friends? This is so painful. Please help.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by blu3her0, Nov 11, 2015.

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  1. blu3her0

    blu3her0
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Santo Domingo
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I am going to make this as short as possible:

    I am a 28 year old gay male, I am from a small and homophobic town, homophobic parents, most of my childhood, adolescence and and even now as a adult I deal with depression.

    I have some gay friends (which live in another city) that I met several years ago and a casue of my internal issues I decided stop talking to them, and then I got even more depressed and lonely. 2 Years later I got in touch with them again, because I couldn't handle living in my house around those closed minded people and shitty neighborhood, so I found another job and move out to the city where they live.

    They have been very nice to me and intoduced me to their friends, so we hang out a lot to their houses and gay clubs, etc, but here's the problem:

    All of them are in long term relationships, they have their lives figured out, they travel, are out and proud, are professionals, etc. While I have nothing, I've wasted most of my life feeling depressed. I've never had a boyfriend, still studying, still hiding from my family, so I feel horrible when I am with them, like I don't fit there. So, I don't know when feel the worst: alone or hanging out with them.

    They want me to find a man, but I've tried every freaking dating app without any luck, I'm just average/ugly, not really handsome, so I am pretty insecure about how I look and that make things even worse, I have a crush on a guy at work but nooo way I am going to say anything to him. He is very handsome and I don't think he is into ugly guys like me :frowning2:

    I don't really know what to do, when we go to gay clubs is very awkward, when they dance with their patners and kiss each other While I'm in a corner checking my Instagram, I don't know what to do or where the F I belong.

    They are very nice and have good intentions, they want to see me happy, but I don't know if this is healthy hanging out with people that have everything that I don't.

    When we go out I feel 40% great and 60% down.....

    (We are 9 people 3 gay couples and 1 lesbian couple).

    Do the math.

    Just last night one of them invited me to a restaurant next Sunday. I really don't now what to do.
     
    #1 blu3her0, Nov 11, 2015
  2. casper

    casper
    Full Member

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    Location:
    Netherlands
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think you should keep hanging out with them!!!!!! You sound really down and friends are the perfect cure for feeling like that. I know exactly what you mean, have been single all my life, a lot of my friends are in relationships and I am also very insecure but if there is one thing I learned is that friends always make me feel better about myself! Dating apps are no indication of how big your chances are in the dating world because your online profile is such a small part of how you really are so please don't use that to confirm your ideas of how you are unloveable. I think that you should focus on work, school, working out or whatever to improve your life and when you feel good about something you have acomplished someone will eventually come on your path! Being single is not a bad thing it is the perfect time to figure out your life!! I think you should embrace your friends, accept they are all in relationships and just have fun!! :grin:
     
    #2 casper, Nov 12, 2015
  3. Lin1

    Lin1
    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    somewhere over the rainbow
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So what's your plan ? hanging out with people that have less than you so you can feel good about yourself ? Those people are supposed to be your FRIENDS, you are supposed to want them to be happy and live successful life not wish them the opposite so you don't feel crap that you haven't reached the same.

    I am being harsh on purpose here because you need a wake up call. You are wasting time whining about other people's happiness instead of trying to to do something to fix your own. Self-pity won't get you anywhere in life. There is always people that are going to have more or better than you, it's life, but you instead of being jealous of them you could probably try and motivate yourself, make their lifestyle your goal if that's what you want and work hard for it.

    There is nothing wrong with being a 28 yo gay male that's a student and still studying. You are young, you have plenty of time ahead of you to do stuff that you like, travel and find romance. But for that you need stop involving yourself in self-depreciation and self-pity. Life is what you make it to be. It may sound cliché but it's true. Sitting at home crying over your life won't make things better it will actually make you lose lots of opportunities to socialize find interesting people and a potential partner.

    So go out, appreciate life, appreciate having GREAT and supportive friends, and work towards your goals.

    Good luck!
     
    #3 Lin1, Nov 14, 2015
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