1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I don't understand why

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Hopeful, Nov 19, 2015.

  1. Hopeful

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2013
    Messages:
    241
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Hampshire
    Hey,

    So I'd been interested in a guy who works at the same fire department I just joined. We'd hooked up a few times and he told me he wanted to get to know me better. We have a mutual friend who'd informed me this guy was recently single... so I'd pursued him. I haven't dated anyone in years and had hooked up with a few people a couple of times last year but wanted to actually get something more.

    So this guy and I texted a bunch and eventually hooked up and almost had sex. No contraceptives were available at the time so I said no. He got condoms and we had sex the next day and again a few days later... I got myself on some birth control and we hooked up a few more times. Well, after a couple of weeks he stopped answering my texts - or would take forever to answer. Now nothing.

    He'd been ignoring my texts, so I left him alone. I found out that he has a restraining order on a girl... not sure if it was an ex or what, but he told me she used to text and call him all the time and my texts didn't bother him. That was until I stopped getting any answers from him.

    So last week I didn't hear from him. Finally texting asking for him to text me when he got a chance. Nothing. I waited a couple of days and texted "Hey how are you?". Nothing. So I waited a few more days and then tried texting and basically asking what was going on and what changed? Well my text came back as "unable to deliver". I tried resending and eventually sent an email instead. No answer.

    So what's the deal?! Obviously we're over. I just wish he could tell me WHY. As far as I know, I've done nothing wrong.

    I've talked to a couple of friends and my mom and I'm thinking there's something weird going on with his ex since she was visiting for the weekend and he showed up at the fire station with her. And after she left he proceeded to ignore me until I asked a couple of questions regarding work - then he loosened up a little.

    I guess I'm just going to leave it as it is. Unfortunately he's sort of in charge of my training and until I'm signed off I'll have to deal with some awkwardness. I'm hoping it blows over and we can become friends and have fun again. I doubt he'll bring it up and since he ignored me when I tried to I'm not going to.

    One of my friends said that some guys just like one night stands and then don't have the decency to break it off - just say nothing. Is that what's happened? If so, why do people do that???
     
  2. stonedqueer

    stonedqueer Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2015
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    'Straya!
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You haven't done anything wrong, he's just being a dick and you deserve better.
     
  3. Hopeful

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2013
    Messages:
    241
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Hampshire
    Thanks for answering. The worst part of all this is that I started feeling like I'd done something wrong. Even though I knew I hadn't. It sucks. I really liked him. I still do. I'm mad, too. I wish he'd tell me why. Or even say "I don't want to talk about it but it's over". Would confirmation be so hard?

    If he were to say "it's been a big mistake I'm sorry I was busy" or something I wouldn't go for that. It's too late. I just want to know why he did it.

    I guess I'll have to just get over this. I want to find someone worth dating and enjoy it. I haven't dated anyone in 3 1/2 years and I feel like I'm missing out now. I was happy being single and I'm still happy with it, because I don't want to be someone who needs a partner, but I'd like one!
     
  4. Neon

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2015
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    I'd say he just wanted to have sex and move on. It really sucks that he lied by saying he wanted to get to know you just to ignore you when he got what he wanted. Even if it had something to do with his ex, if he was serious or mildly interested, he'd have texted you that something was happening and couldn't deal with "us"

    Don't overthink it and move on. It's not worth dwelling over it in my opinion.
     
  5. Lone Dragon

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2015
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Disney
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Yeah it's weird. I hate when people just kind of don't know what to do so they just ignore you. He should just say it's over or something to let you know what is up. If someone did that to me, it would just give me a bitter taste towards them. I'm always big on communication and I guess people assume being silent is communication.

    Like I would understand if he like never saw you again, but if he's still in charge of your training, that's awkward.

    But don't worry about it, you didn't do anything wrong. He doesn't seem to really care anymore. Just try and move on. Your deserve so much more than that guy.
     
  6. Hopeful

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2013
    Messages:
    241
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Hampshire
    Thanks you guys! I'm trying not to think about it and just get over him. I had something sort of similar happen to me this past winter/spring - but with a girl. From the beginning I knew she was in it to have fun and not for a relationship, but it was still difficult to get over that. I am friends with her and enjoy being her friend and I don't want more anymore so it's okay. At least she wouldn't have just ignored me. She's actually kind of helpful with this - I've told her a bit of what's going on. She and my mom and another friend are the only people I've told in person and everyone's been helpful.

    I guess now that I'm not in any sort of relationship I'm really wishing I was. I guess the right person will come along - just hopefully sooner rather than later!!

    I'm glad you guys agree that he should have said something; especially since I deal with him every week. If I were never to see him again it wouldn't be quite so awkward!