I'm confused and shocked right now. My girlfriend and I will have been together nine years this Christmas. We've known each other since we were four and our families are very close. We go to the same college and we're moving in together over our holiday break. Once that decision was made, and we told our families, our problems began. My father, who has been supportive of our relationship right from the get go texted my partner yesterday and said, "move in with my daughter and I'll make your life a living hell." She was completely blindsided by that, and so was I. Thankfully we live three hours away from my folks, but the holidays are going to feel super weird this year. She always comes home with me on Thanksgiving and Christmas. We visit my family first, and then we head on over to her's. She didn't stoop to his level and reply to his text, but I'm not looking forward to the awkwardness of tomorrow. I really feel like I need to address this issue, but I'm unsure of how or when to approach it. I don't know whether to breech the subject today via a phone call, or to wait til tomorrow and do it in person. If this was you and your family, what would you suggest?
I'm really sorry to hear about what happened, and I agree, it sounds like it's sort of out of left field. Is it worthwhile to reach out to your mother (if your parents are together) and get a feel for where things are? If it were me, I don't think I'd be comfortable going home (either you or your partner) to your parents' house unless/until this issue is addressed beforehand. One doesn't simply text a bombshell like that and expect there to be no fallout. Now... it is possible -- maybe even likely -- he's been in denial forever and the reality of the two of you moving in together is moving him out of the denial stage of the stages of loss (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance) and into anger. In which case, he may just need space. But thinking about thanksgiving, and what the holiday represents, it might be sensible to take a breather.
Maybe you're right. Nine years is a long time to be in denial, but it's absolutely possible. Anything is possible really. I've spoken to my mom since I posted and I told her that we wouldn't be coming over. She was a little upset but in the end she understood. We are just going to visit with her family tomorrow since things on that end are great. Hopefully Christmas will be different...
I wonder if this video might help. It's from Dan Savage. Do you know him? He rephrases the question of who will be losing out if the parents don't support a gay child. I found it very interesting. May be food for thought for you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxAa2Hd7q8k
