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Bringing my BF to Thanksgiving dinner (We're closeted)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by jnarinami, Nov 25, 2015.

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  1. jnarinami

    jnarinami
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    So me and my boyfriend are both still in the closet to our families. He is coming to my family's Thanksgiving dinner (with everyone like cousins etc...) where everyone thinks we're just friends because its under the "this is my international friend from school experiencing his first Thanksgiving" memo. We're both nervous and I don't really know why. Anyone have similar experiences they'd like to share to help me be less nervous? :icon_bigg
     
    #1 jnarinami, Nov 25, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2015
  2. AlamoCity

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    I've never been in that situation, but I'd suggest y'all get y'alls back stories in line and make sure that y'all have coordinated answers for any questions that may come up.
     
    #2 AlamoCity, Nov 25, 2015
  3. Zalias

    Zalias
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    Your situation is unfortunate. I agree with Alamo. If you don't want anyone finding out, you should probably make sure both you and your friend have a pretty good back story. And don't act like anything other than friends during the get together.
     
    #3 Zalias, Nov 25, 2015
  4. littleraven

    littleraven
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    I hope everything works out. (*hug*)
     
    #4 littleraven, Nov 26, 2015
  5. vamonos

    vamonos
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    Just remember to lock the door when you're having sex.
     
    #5 vamonos, Nov 26, 2015
  6. Chip

    Chip
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    Be cautious about subtle cues. A friend of mine ("J"), who was closeted but obvious to me, was hanging out with his "friend" ("D") at this concert event he was managing. I and a number of other people were there. They were careful to not spend time together (so as to not to tip us off)... but every time they walked past each other, their eyes met. And the eye contact totally gave them away.

    His other (straight) friends cornered me later and asked, point-blank, if J was gay and D was his boyfriend. I tapdanced and told them that J had repeatedly said he was straight (which was true, but no one one with an ounce of gaydar believed).

    That actually ended up being one of the turning points that helped him come out because people started in so many words calling the question.

    So... you can pull it off, but you have to be cautious, and careful about body language, eye contact, and communication.
     
    #6 Chip, Nov 26, 2015
  7. crazydiamond

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    Pretending to be straight is tougher than you might think. A family friend came over once for a few days, and my girlfriend and I had to pretend we were just friends. And I never realized how much we touch and kiss each other throughout the day until we couldn't anymore. There were a few times she put her hand on my leg by accident, or we'd exchange long gazes. And there was a little pain in my stomach every time she had to refer to me as her friend or answer why she doesn't have a boyfriend. Ultimately, I don't think she caught on. But if she did, she never said anything. I think it's a shame that anyone has to do this, because it instills shame and guilt where there shouldn't be.

    I'm interested in an update on this, to see how it went. Good luck.
     
    #7 crazydiamond, Nov 27, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2015
  8. bubbles123

    bubbles123 Guest

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    Just curious how it went.
     
    #8 bubbles123, Nov 29, 2015
  9. QueerTransEnby

    QueerTransEnby
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    Not trying to pass judgment in any sort of way, but this is why I recommend you come out before dating. Or if you are dating, it may not be the best idea to be together with the family while "playing it straight".
     
    #9 QueerTransEnby, Dec 1, 2015
  10. guitar

    guitar
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    I tried the exact same thing when I was still closeted with my bf and more-or-less outed my to my entire family without me saying it lol.
     
    #10 guitar, Dec 1, 2015
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