I absolutely hate this holiday. I was hoping that nobody in my family would begin any political conversations (The majority of my family is ridiculously conservative), but while I was out I overheard an offensive and homophobic discussion over homosexuality. After they left I told my father that their discussion had made me uncomfortable, but he only told me to get over it. This where I'm slightly pissed. My father told me when I came out to him that I could trust him, but he let the conversation continue and then brushed me off afterwards. I don't have anyone else I can talk to and that drives me crazy. My family makes me incredibly uncomfortable and every homophobic comment they make reminds me that I will never be accepted for who I am. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
I'm sorry you were put in this situation. Thanksgiving can be a really terrible holiday for a lot of people, not just gay people, because we find ourselves with people we're connected to by birth and lineage, not by our beliefs, interests, and common goals. And that can be a recipe for... well, a lot of hurt feelings. One suggestion I can make that I think could be really healthy for you is to sit down with your dad and basically tell him, in a non-accusatory way, exactly what you said here.... maybe something like "I wanted to share my experience of thanksgiving with you. Earlier, when I came out, you told me I could trust you, but when those things were said, and you didn't do anything about it... and then told me to "get over it", I felt really uncomfortable and unsupported. The story I'm making up in my head is that I really can't trust that you'll be there for me when I need it." The use of the phrase "the story I'm making up" (borrowed from Brené Brown's newest book), is incredibly powerful. It says "I know this may not be rational, but this is what's going on in my head", and it conveys what you're feeling without being accusatory. To be fair to him... if your "out" status on your profile is up to date, he's in a somewhat complicated situation. If you aren't out to family, then your family might find it odd that he's suddenly challenging them on this issue if he's never done so in the past, so he might have recognized that and chosen not to speak out because he didn't want to have to explain why he's suddenly an advocate for homosexuality. So in that regard... you might also consider that the story you're making up about this situation is that he doesn't care about you. In fact, he might really be thinking carefully about you, and when he said "get over it", that could be "shorthand" that translates to "Well, if you aren't ready to come out, you have to be careful what you say and do, lest you out yourself."
