Hurt, angry and sad

Hey I'm Emily. I have a bit of a rant here and would love some support/advice from anyone who's been in a similar situation or has something that could help me figure this out.

Recently I joined a new fire department. I'm an AEMT and considering getting my fire 1 certification at some point in the near future.

I knew some people on the department already, including my friend Mitchell. He took my EMT class with me - it started almost 2 years ago. We didn't talk a whole lot in class, but remained friends via Facebook and eventually started texting. Mitchell has a girlfriend and I've told him in the past that it's too bad he does, because I'd date him if she weren't in the picture. Well Mitchell encouraged me to possibly start things with his friend Josh. Josh is a paramedic and firefighter at said FD. The three of us are all the same age (though I just turned 23 and the two of them are 22 for another couple of months) and as Mitchell told me, Josh was "newly single".

Being a new member, I've been training with Mitch and Josh on Wednesdays - going to the station for the day, hoping that a call comes in and if not, just hanging around, doing chores, etc. I got Josh's number.

Josh and I were texting a whole bunch. I knew via Mitch that Josh thought I was nice and I hoped we'd hit it off. We did. One thing led to another and we ended up hooking up and having sex. This happened 5 times (the first time we didn't have protection so no intercourse actually happened).

Things were going great! I asked Josh what he considered "us" to be. His answer was "I'd like to get to know you better". Seemed like a decent answer to me. Then Josh's texts started happening less frequently. He'd take forever to answer or wouldn't answer unless I sent a second text. I asked him if I was being obnoxious by texting more often than he would and he assured me that wasn't the case and if it WERE he would tell me. Josh claimed he was just busy or had fallen asleep when he didn't answer. I thought it was a little fishy because whenever I saw him he checked his phone constantly... but I only saw him once or twice a week.

Things kept tapering off. I would text him and get no response. Even a "Hey, how are you?" got no answer. I finally decided things must be over for some reason and wanted to know why. Makes sense, right? Why am I suddenly getting blown off? I thought we were going to get to know each other better. So I sent a text saying something along the lines of "I'm under the impression you're no longer interested in me. What happened to change that? Did I do or say something wrong? I just want to know why". The text wouldn't go through and I got a notification saying failed send. I got the same notification twice more and then I decided either reception was really terrible (unlikely) or he'd blocked me (more likely - but why??). So I sent it as an email instead.

No answer. This was a Sunday.

The following Wednesday, I go to training. Caitlyn, another new girl, and I show up and Mitchell is there. He tells us Josh isn't coming in... but nothing other than that. So here I am, thinking "great, now he won't even face me". That morning, Mitchell leaves to "go have breakfast with people" which was odd. Btw - Mitchell knew Josh and I were talking but I didn't know (and still don't) if he was told anything more. He knew Josh wasn't answering my texts but told me he didn't want to get involved when I asked for advice about it. Caitlyn and I are busy trying to figure out who Mitchell is with and figured it was probably Josh, but of course, Caitlyn has no idea we'd been involved in any way.

A little later, Mitchell comes back, announcing "I brought people". There's Josh and... a girl. Heather. I knew she was his ex-girlfriend. Josh isn't on Facebook, but I looked Heather up once and found out that they'd been engaged back in 2014. So now Heather is back in town for the weekend or however long, and she now lives in South Dakota - quite a ways from New Hampshire!

It was awkward. Josh is normally quiet, but he didn't acknowledge Caitlyn or I and just let Heather chat along to he and Mitch. Caitlyn and I kept our noses in our phones and books and didn't say much either. Finally Mitchell kind of admonished us and said "introduce yourselves, girls!". So we did. Eventually Josh and Heather left. A few hours later, Josh returned by himself and the afternoon was like any other afternoon.

So a week goes by and I'm amusing myself with this whole new turn of events. Now the ex-girlfriend has been up - maybe there's something going on with them? Who knows, right?

Well, this past Wednesday I went in. This time we knew Josh couldn't make it because of the holiday. Caitlyn asks me about the girl who was with Josh and I told her that I knew Josh dated a Heather and I figured it was his ex. So when Mitchell came in the room, Caitlyn asked "who was that girl?". Mitchell's answer? "Josh's fiance". FIANCE. And then Mitchell said something along the lines of "It's a really confusing messed up situation"...

Well Caitlyn and I speculate on how awkward it was for us - if that was indeed Josh's fiance, why didn't he introduce her to us? We're co-workers after all.

I know that Mitchell and everyone else on the department thought Josh was single. They made comments and asked if he had a girlfriend in the past.

So now I know why I got "dumped". He's got a girlfriend. I feel like crap knowing that I helped him cheat on her. I feel like I've done something wrong, even though I know that I didn't realize it and even told Josh that Mitchell referred to him as newly single before anything happened.

Now I'm really angry. I've cried a few times and I shouldn't. I really liked Josh and was excited the way things were going. I'm pissed that he used me like that. It doesn't help that Mitchell and this guy Alex were talking about how apparently Josh cheats on Heather all the time with "really ugly women". How is that supposed to make me feel? I feel like absolute crap!

I kind of want to tell Heather that Josh cheated on her with me - just to let her know he's not to be trusted. I also don't think that's my issue and I don't think I'll do anything. I don't want to get any more involved than I already am.

My plan is to ignore Josh... but that'll be hard. He's training me at the department so until I get off of field training, I'm stuck with him. It sucks.

What do you think? Am I wrong to not confront him? I feel like he's not worth my time. I'm just so mad because I really was looking forward to having a boyfriend - I've been single for 3 1/2 years and was finally feeling like it would be good to be in a relationship again. I hate that I've been crying over the situation and I just don't feel good right now. I need to change something in my life and feel a little better again.

Thanks for reading my rant. If anyone has anything they'd like to say, I would very much appreciate it. I'm not in the best place right now and just feel hurt, angry, and sad.

 

Thank you so much Linning.

I've been giving this a lot of thought. I'm torn about what to do.

My friend Mitchell... I'm not sure if he actually knew Josh was engaged still. I'm wondering if Josh had everyone fooled and led all his friends to believe that when Heather moved, they broke up. That's the impression I got - but what am I to believe, right? I'm not the best of friends with Mitchell, we knew each other from EMT class and sort of kept in touch; more so more recently. If one of my best friends had led me to believe I was going for a single man and found out he was engaged, then there would be a discussion - but since I don't care to involved, I probably won't ask Mitchell.

I talked to a friend that I've known for almost 15 years today. I'm going to NM to visit her in a week and a half (I've never been and am super excited!) and I told her the story earlier. She thinks I should maybe confront Josh and ask why he led me to think he was single. She said I should do that before trying to tell Heather anything.

I'm just not sure what to do. At this point, I don't want to make a big deal out of things and pull more people into it. If I were to never see Josh again, then yeah, maybe I'd tell Heather. But I have to see Josh every week. And that kind of sucks now.

As I said before, I'm going to visit my friend soon. I'm going to be missing two Wednesdays at the fire department so I think I'll try to get through this coming Wednesday, get some much needed time away, and then see how I feel. I'm probably going to end up letting it all go, which sounds terrible.

I just don't think Josh should get away with this like that. Maybe my two weeks off can give me some time to come up with a good game plan. I just hate confrontations and don't want to deal with Josh. He's not worth my time. But I don't want him to think it's okay to do this to people.

I'm still very angry and sad. I hate that he's made me cry over him and that I feel this way.