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Might have feelings for a great friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by pestjohnbuda, Nov 28, 2015.

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  1. pestjohnbuda

    pestjohnbuda
    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
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    Out to everyone
    Hey everyone,

    To start of, I'll just assume I am gay. I don't know yet for the full 100%, but I developed feelings for a guy and I think they're real, so lets go from there. I haven't told anyone at all, and I think I 'know' for about 2 weeks.

    So, I'm in high school and I have a really good friend who is really caring and nice. Note: he has a relationship with a girl for about 2 years already. He is the sporty type, and besides me I don't think he has that much close contact with people from school (he tells me sometimes about his presumed friends who he thinks don't act like they should, and for instance don't work on projects).

    Big flag here; he has a girlfriend. I know that this should be a no-brainer and that this should be the line, but from my point of view; I was not the one initiating contact. Since the end of last year he started to be around me more and to touch me, possibly in a friend-way. He would lay his arm to mine or lean against me during the breaks while talking, or he would come really close when showing me something. I have kept a close look, but he is the only one acting in such a way and coming this close. This is when I started to question things, and our contact became more and more until now we're kind of texting daily, about everything that happens. We're in the same year so we have a lot of similar experiences, and tell each other about all of them.

    Now my question, is there any possibility he feels something for me? I really like him, definitely as a friend but I'd like it to be more, but I have no idea what he thinks. He seems to be 'attracted' to me more than other guys, but then the fact that he has a girlfriend comes up. This brings up many questions, like for instance wondering if he might not now either, and tries to find out. Is there any one of you who could help? I would like to know what I should do, because I'm melting every time he initiates a conversation and when he walks up to me with a smile during the break. But again, I guess a very good friend could act this way too...
     
    #1 pestjohnbuda, Nov 28, 2015
  2. Contact1111

    Contact1111 Guest

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    I know the feeling all too well. For me, it was even more awkward, because I never really thought about other guys that way. He didn't have a girlfriend, but he would have been real creeped out if he knew that I liked him in the same sort of way that I would like a girl. So, I just kept it to myself until I ended up telling my parents about the feelings I had for him, but it was just.... strange. I never have really felt that way quite like that about another guy since then, but it's obviously going to be a possibility that I might end up liking other friends of mine as more than friends sometimes. He probably is not interested in you, but you are just reading that into it. I know I had moments like that, where I thought.... maybe he'd be open to doing something with another guy. However, that wasn't the case I don't think. I wasn't going to risk freaking him out as he probably would have. I'd advise that you also keep these feelings to yourself, except maybe to tell your family about this situation if that is possible. Also, if you haven't liked other guys before and assuming you like women and aren't like a freshman in high school or something, I can almost guarantee that this doesn't mean you are "gay". Your probably just happen to like certain guys in addition to liking women. That's basically how it is for me, and I've gotten used to it. It doesn't seem so scary after you get used to the idea that you might sometimes see another guy that you like.... in the same kind of way you would like a girl.
     
    #2 Contact1111, Nov 28, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2015
  3. pestjohnbuda

    pestjohnbuda
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Amsterdam
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thank you for your comment! I've gotten comfortable with the notion that I like guys too, but I think that could be a problem. At this moment, I would consider myself bi I guess, as I am still interested in girls but at the same time guys just as much. No one knows about me feeling this way, and it has happened before that people wondered if I were gay. Would you also advice not to tell him that I am gay at all? We are moving into a 'very good friend' area, as he tells me that he tells me some things he doesn't tell anyone else, and just for the sake of being myself I wouldn't want to hide anything like this. On the other hand, he might think I meant some things different than they were intended to, as they were just friendly... Wait for the right moment or see if it will last? Got 1,5 year of high school left, after I guess I can be myself anyways, but then I'd have to 'miss out' partly on being young
     
    #3 pestjohnbuda, Nov 28, 2015
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