This is a really complicated situation sorry but so first of all my best friend and I (both female) are very close friends, have known each other for only a couple of years but we became extremely close about a year ago. I'm probably asexual and I thought heteroromantic though idk and she's self-proclaimed straight. But at the beginning of last year, she came right out and said she might be falling in love with me and that she wanted to date me. I was kinda unsure what to do because I hadn't entirely thought about her that way but also kinda wanted that to happen so I went along, and she had even gotten so far as to be like we have to come out to even your parents and what not by Christmas. But then, she talked to her parents and they were hesitant firstly because she had just turned 18 at the time (and I was 16) so relationships would be kinda sketch and they didn't want to endanger her with respect to my parents, and then thought maybe it was just a phase. So we decided to hold off (mutual decision) and wait for two years till I was 18 too... but then she just kinda seemed to get over it I guess, don't actually know if that's true but she never said anything else about it, and nothing really changed. We're still super close, like we've slept in the same bed and cuddled and we're affectionate enough that loads of people have thought we're dating, but by a few months after that we were arguing a lot more (we never had before at all), and fighting...some of it was because she went to college across the country this year and we were both kinda emotionally unstable about that. Then that April she got a crush on this other guy and was talking about him a lot and trying to figure him out. She ditched me a ton for him which was not fun especially since by then I was realizing I was kinda falling for her just after the fact. I told her it felt like she was prioritizing him way more than me but she never really did all that much about it, and I was going to talk to her more about it but then they had a major falling out and she was super upset and I didn't want to be yet another friend failing her just when she was leaving home and sad about that too, so I didn't. She still spends a lot of time complaining about him and whatnot and still doesn't seem to realize though I told her at least once that that really hurts me because she did make him more important than me and he still is even though she hates him now. But anyways, she's across the country now and I don't see her a ton and half the time I don't miss her at all and the other half I miss her like crazy. Things mostly haven't changed, we're either super aggressive and mean to each other or super affectionate and it'll change in a minute or less. She insists she's straight and simultaneously hates boys and wants to find a boyfriend, but then she still treats me really affectionately and we hug a ton and so forth and if you saw us together, you'd definitely think we were dating. I've realized more over time that I would love to date her and be more than just her friend, but even though she wanted that just a year ago it just seems like she forgot it entirely and moved on and doesn't even remember that we said we'd check back in in two years when I was 18. She would even say all the time that we should just get an apartment together when we're older and she wasn't joking but I don't know how things have changed or what she means now. Like she literally told a mutual friend that she wanted to make out with me and then she just suddenly was entirely over it in a month?? She NEVER does that, she's one of those people who does not get over relationships quickly at all, she takes forever. So now I don't know what to do, I really want to talk to her about it so at least I know but I don't want to wreck what we still have and since we see each other so infrequently, I'd hate to ruin one of those times with a conversation that has the potential to end really really badly. But at the same time I love her a ton and don't want to lose her to some random boyfriend because she's really bad at being obsessed with multiple things/people at once. If she got a boyfriend I'd be practically off the radar for a long time. Please help (( Tl;dr: My straight best friend acted like and even said she was in love with me a year ago but we didn't do anything and now I want to or want to know it's still an option but she seems to have entirely moved on.
