Yet another "help I've fallen for my best friend" thread

After almost a year of CONSTANT deliberating, researching labels and going back and forth, I have finally come to the conclusion (and acceptance!) that I am bisexual. I'll admit that finally understanding it has made me feel a lot better, but I'm also really apprehensive about what to do next. I've not spoken to anyone about this in "real life" just a friend I've known from online.

I've made a great decision in somehow falling for my best friend - what I believe is my "trigger crush." Hooray! :eusa_doh: I need to figure out what to do with this, and would love a range of opinions. I'm going to try and keep it as short and simple as possible, but I may add further details if I get any responses to this thread!

Met my friend, Emily, at the beginning of this year. Became friends very quickly. Started joking around that we were a couple. Started kissing when we were drunk. I started to notice that I really liked her, but didn't let on.

We hang out all the time for the whole year, and have "dates." Like we call it "date night". We do couple things. We continue to joke that we are a married couple. We decide that we're going to rent a house together in the next year, and we found one that we really liked. So we're moving in together in September of next year.

We made a pact that if we reach 40 and aren't married, we'll marry each other. She says "I wouldn't mind marrying you. I could definitely do worse." My heart essentially shatters into a billion pieces because I love her so much. We keep kissing every time we get drunk, which is usually once a week (oops)

We attended a concert about a month ago, and this is when I had the realisation. We were standing in the pit, and I just looked at her. She was watching the band, but I was watching her. And it sounds so sappy, but in that moment, I honestly felt so complete and so happy, and something was just pulling me towards her. And that's when I freaked the f_ck out about my sexuality, because it was real now.

There's so much more detail to this relationship but I'm trying to keep this as readable as possible because I NEED HELP. Half of me just wants to get this crush over with, and have it be done. I don't want to like her, because it will be weird if we live together. But we literally act like we are dating, so how the hell am I supposed to do that? The other half of me wants to tell her, because there have been so many signs that she might feel the same way - but am I overthinking it? Am I making it all up?

Something that really stunted my progress with my sexuality is that I wasn't sure if I was attracted to women as a group, or just her. Still not quite sure about that one.

Basically: Do I tell her I'm bi? Do I tell her I like her? Do I just continue to keep this all on the DL? What am I supposed to do, oh my god.

PS: I also really don't think I could tell her anything if I wasn't drunk. I actually don't think I could do it.

 

Hi, and thanks for the welcome!

It's not so much that I'm afraid to be "outed" in public - I'm more just worried about how my sexuality and attraction to her will affect our plans in the future. I know that if someone had a crush on me and I didn't reciprocate, I probably wouldn't feel comfortable living with them.

I wouldn't have a hard time committing to her at all, but I'm not sure that I'd be comfortable with everyone knowing about the relationship. I'd probably be more inclined to keep it under wraps for a while.

As for her orientation, we've never really spoken about it seriously. We've both made jokes that we are gay for each other, and she's kissed a LOT more girls than I have. So I'd probably say that she is at least curious, if not anything more on the spectrum.

 

Thanks. Still a bit nervous, but I guess it's the only way. All I have to do now is figure out some way to keep it super casual ahaha

 

Yeah, I 100% know I need to tell her before moving in. We're also going on a roadtrip across country together in a few months, so I should probably figure it all out before then.

It's really daunting at the moment because I feel like I've only got surface knowledge about my sexuality, and when I think about my feelings for her, I'm not even sure what I really want. I almost wish that I hadn't realised I was bi and had feelings for her, just so I didn't have to deal with it.

Oh well, you've got to play the cards you're dealt, I guess. :icon_redf