Alright, sorry if this comes off as a bit of a rant, but I am over the top angry right now. It's this guy who I had feelings for. We'd be on and off here and there with doing flirty shit. After we'd do something that was almost sexual, we'd not talk for a few weeks. Eh, I didn't mind it. But this one...holy shit. So, this happened over a course of two days. The first night I told my closest friends that I was planning on doing something. Little did I know, I wouldn't make the first move, he did. He said, "Oh my god, my ass hurts so much." I responded in my usual joking manner, "Is that right? Well, I'm good at back massages but ass massages, I'm not sure." He demanded I give him a massage. I did. I even massaged his ass then he was saying shit like, "Oh yeah, you should see my ass in compression shorts." He was like, "Would it be weird if I moan?" I said no and continued to massage as he moaned. As soon as I was about to kiss his neck it was 10:55, 5 minutes until dorm lights out. The next day, I wasn't expecting jack shit, but he came in my room again, this time without pants. We kinda laid there for a second and I gave him another ass massage. It was...interesting. So a few weeks later, we haven't talked, I really didn't care that much this time around but then...my big mouthed ass friend decided to ask, "Hey [insert name here], you and Will?" [Insert name here] then goes on and denies everything, he goes to all of my friends telling them I lied about everything. I've already cut him off completely and don't even make eye contact, but there's still that little bit of feels I have for him. Fuck me. This always happens to me. Whenever I get something I think is good, it kinda goes to shit and never comes back. But that doesn't end my tail. Me and this other guy were going to hook-up. He was going to suck me off and while we were hooking up, guess what? I couldn't get hard. Like. At all. Why can't I catch a break? I don't know. But ever since I came out to my school, publicly, everything has gone into the dumps as far as my relationships go. I mean all my friends are my friends, I'm still known as "that guy" I guess, but when it comes to, I guess, my sex life I haven't caught any breaks. But the other gay guys (two open ones), my god. They're in a relationship and shit like that and that makes me beg the question. Why not me? Excuse my arrogance if you since any, but holy fucking shit. But as of now, I've kind of given up on the fact that any guy will like me. That feeling sucks. But hell, I'll live, it's only high school.
Hope it felt good to get that off of your chest. Quite a situation. I am sure it will be one of many.....
It's really tough being sure of yourself and out when so many other guys around you are still figuring themselves out. It's tough for you to figure out who's into you for sure, who's questioning, and who just wants to get their rocks off. The guys who are unsure of themselves may end up being ashamed and pulling stuff like that on you. And it sucks. Just be proud to be who you are and for living honestly and openly. Other guys will start to do the same and you'll have plenty more opportunities once they do
Okay, don't get me wrong, that does sound like a crappy situation. But try and calm down a little. It isn't the end of the world. You aren't going to die a lonely virgin. You're 15. Very few people have healthy sex lives at 15, being gay just makes it harder. You're going to be okay. You are going to have great sexual experiences some day, and you are going to go through some crap in life that will make these situations seem like fun. That's how life is. So, sorry about what happened, that does suck. But calm down, you're going to be fine.
