1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Best friends, bromance, or...something else??

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by faufoa, Dec 1, 2015.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. faufoa

    faufoa
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2015
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Hi so I am 20 years old, in college, and feeling conflicted. My roommate/best friend and I have become very close but now I'm having these weird mixed feelings for him. Sorry this is kinda long but hopefully it's interesting enough.

    We lived in the same suite freshman year and I only started talking to him more at like the end of spring and then we decided to share a room this year. I never thought we would become this close but now I realize he is awesome. We have both acknowledged that we consider the other to be our best friend. But now I'm like "Are we JUST best friends though?"

    So he is into guys. He told me one night. And he quite clearly is attracted to me. He compliments my looks often, calls me sexy, checks me out (and admits to doing so), and all that. He hugs me A LOT, likes to grab/play with my butt, and has asked to see my penis before (I have shown him every other part of me though). He didn't say "gay" or "bi" though; I think he is bi. He has a quasi-crush on this one girl.

    I told him that one night that I'm straight and have no interest in guys. And that's usually true, but idk sometimes when I look at him, especially into those big super-brown eyes of his (I usually don't even care about eyes)...I really wanna kiss him. And I must admit, he's very good-looking. But I find a lot of guys good-looking yet never want to kiss them. Like last night, he had to dress up for something and he looked SO nice like I didn't know what was wrong with me. I catch myself checking him out at times too though I don't think he has ever caught me. He's the only guy that I've ever felt attracted to.

    And when I think about it, we already have some couple-like tendencies. He rests his head on my shoulder or lap sometimes when we watch Netflix. He also lays his head on my back/stomach/butt if I'm laying down on my bed. He tends to massage me often too whether it be my back when he hugs me or my stomach/chest when he's resting his head on me. He likes to hug me from behind when I lean on my bed, his arms wrapped around my waist and his head on my back. I find myself really enjoying all these moments. We say that we love each other at some point everyday and hug every night before we go to bed.

    I don't know if I should try and make a move on him or what. Not that I think he'd reject me but because I love him so much and can't risk losing what we have. He's sooo supportive of my attempts to get girls even though I sometimes get a vibe that it's actually killing him inside. I also was considering transferring schools for a bit and during that time I swear he looked on the verge of crying whenever he was with me. Yet all that time he said he wanted me to be happy. He doesn't know it, but he's part of the reason I decided to stay. He also understands that I'm a lot happier when I'm in a relationship and so he supports me when I talk to girls, willingly canceling plans so I can go on dates and even giving me advice.

    Though he is obviously attracted to me, I think his constant touching and stuff is just straight-up affection, not flirty in nature. I never return the favor really, like I don't cuddle up to him or lay my head on him or anything. Would it be weird if I started doing it too? Like how do I flirt with him? Or should I even do it?

    So conflicted:bang:
     
    #1 faufoa, Dec 1, 2015
  2. robclem21

    robclem21
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2011
    Messages:
    724
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Ontario
    I can't really speak for what is going on inside your friends head so it would be hard for me to say how he would react to the possibility of a real relationship too. My instinct is to say that if you were to play along with what he wants that he would be more than willing to oblige.

    That being said, anytime you change the climate of your friendship with someone that involves adding a physical element and the emotions that go with it, you run the risk of ruining it. Only you can decide if that is a risk you want to take, especially in what seems like a very experimental stage for you.

    If you have feelings for him and want to kiss him, chances are you are at least interested in exploring options with a guy and whether that develops further or not, there is almost never any harm in trying. You just need to figure out what you value between the two of you and how that would change if you were to flirt back and cuddle.

    I think the important part here would just to be open and honest with him about your feelings and what you are thinking. This way he can be understanding and be part of the decision with you rather than you just deciding what road to take your friendship on. Like I said though, he would probably be more than okay with whatever you wanted.

    With regards to your last question, if you do the things back to him that he is doing to you, it really won't take very long for things to progress if that's what you are looking for.
     
    #2 robclem21, Dec 1, 2015
  3. Themis

    Themis
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2014
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    You say he admitted to you he likes guys (sometimes). Why don't you start by telling him that once a while you can also connect to guys romantically?

    You told him that you're straight so to look at it from his side, why would he ever make a move? From his point of view, if you were attracted to him you would've told him already. So if you start by telling him you can potentially fall in love with guys, he knows that it's not unthinkable that something happens between the two of you. Maybe then he'll make the move, or if you become even closer and play along, it just "happens".

    But I doubt anything would happen as long as he believes that you're actually 100%. straight. And him being your best friend, it shouldn't hurt anybit of your friendship to be open about your sexuality.
     
    #3 Themis, Dec 1, 2015
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)