A Story of Betrayal and Love: My Story

So I'm bisexual and my bestie is gay and my hostel room at my high school knows. They found out about 5 months ago due to an unfortunate incident involving going through someone's phone unlawfully, and they were all pretty cool with it, but just a few days before that, one guy (let's called him Jack Shit) told us he is bisexual too, since we decided to tell him before the rest of the room because he was part of our inner circle. ((&&&)) Anyway, he started to drift away after a few weeks, and he made other friends, and he was basically the leader of our room although everyone knows I don't give one damn about self-established authority figures. Now, fast forward a few months, Jack Shit moves out of the room after a few weeks of becoming increasingly antagonistic towards me and my bestie, me in particular, doing things like saying out loud that he sees where I look if a known crush like (lets call this one Chris) walks in. This raises high doubt of my straight cover which was and as a result still is under heavy scrutiny. He knows exactly how much I depend on still being in the closet due to several family members being in my school, all easily contactable by any of the many enemies I have made in my 2 years in the school, and I dont want my family to find out because everyone is really religious. Okay, off topic, lets get back. So, Jack Shit moves out and falls into another group, lets call them the 9ers, and they all dislike me, calling me a faggot and such LGBT related terms. I wouldn't mind, except for one thing:

There's this boy.

Let's distinguish him by the way I distinguish him in my thoughts: we capitalize his initial. He is the most amazing guy ever, and one of the few of my myriad of crushes that I have true feelings for. I first noticed Him for his bum, because, and anyone attracted to males would agree, He has the most amazing behind ever. However, we ran into each other several times, and became better friends over time. The first extended conversation we had was when I helped Him study for a massive Maths test (He isn't bad with it but his teacher is horrible and I happen to incrddible with maths.) and since then, He carved his way into a very visible corner of my mind and now, I can't stop thinking about Him. Thing is, as soon as He got into my school ( he entered late) He instantly fell in with the 9ers. The same group of LGBT haters that I wouldnt have minded. He isnt a hater himself but they are corrupting Him and it pisses me off. He entered school a few weeks after my room found out and since my entire room knew, I put no end to my endless thoughts of Him, and my whole room figured out pretty soon that to me, He was the biggest thing since chocolate was introduced to my being.

So, Jack Shit fell in with the 9ers two months after He entered school, and, full of malicious intent and my holiest secrets, he reveals it all to the 9ers. At least, I suspect so, because he constantly hangs out with Him now, and he runs me off when I near Him. Also, he eyes me in public as if I should be scared of him, and I think he gets pissed that I am never afraid of people my own age and I don't back down from a simpleton's stare. Now, this bugged me but not so much. That is, until He started to avoid me after He asks me out as a joke, with Jack Shit egging Him on all the way, even holding Him from behind as if to spy on my reaction from His viewpoint. Thank God I was never a slow one, or I might have had that expression (you know, that one you get when your biggest crush asks you out in the most unlikeliest of circumstances) I might have had that expression on for a moment too long, but I just shook it off and said no.

It was, by far, the most scaldingly painful thing I have ever done.

So He walks away, and in the final week, they 9ers call me and say He has something to ask me. I completely ignore them since that brought up memories of how I sat, just hours before, crying my eyes ojt over the fact that the one night I was not in hostel He came to sleep in MY ROOM. WITHOUT PANTS. HE HAD ONLY A SHIRT AND UNDERWEAR ON. My bestie (he told me of this, he didn't know at the time how serious I felt about Him) even commented on how firm and good His backside looked through the underwear.

So, a few days ago I decided to text him and say that I needed to tell him something. And he replied, a few days later, with: "Yéah, what" and I couldn't gather the courage to tell him what I had meant to: that I had a phenomenal crush on him and that I wanted us to be friends at least, since he was straight ( I assumed and assume he is. Everyone I like is straight, for some damn twisted reason.) So, instead I ask what he wanted to tell me that last day, and he hasn't replied.

Does anyone know what to do?

(Post-Script: I do not just like him for that legendary pair of cheeks, I barely get turned on by him. That's how I know. Thay only happens with people I love emotionally.)


:tears::tears::tears::tears:

 

Oh no, Chris doesn't know but Jack Shit used to say really controversial things when he walks in. Thanks, you should know by now that I only vent about such things when I know I'm far from seeing and facing it again, and on the internet only so it's really no surprise. My bad.

 

Some of the guys sleep in their underwear and shirts and he was already dressed for sleel when he came in. He wanted to get a movie from a guy in my room.

I actually do think there was an ulterior motive to that. Probably was dared or something; we (everyone in the hostel) mess with each other all the time, but it is very possible he was dared by his malevolent roommates.

In fact, I don't think Chris (the other crush's pseudonymn) came in to bother me, but Jack Shit called attention to the fact that he was in the room and looked directly at me, as if to imply that it has special meaning for me. (It does, but I don't want anyone knowing it.

 

That's just the thing...I think he might be too, even with how nice he seems when his friends aren't around, but I seriously can't get over him. It sucks soggy biscuits.