Losing a loved one and confusion about something new

I haven't been on this site in a very long time but I'm back with some really awful news. I have written about my now ex boyfriend before on this site. We dated for three years and were insanely close. We did everything together and that's why things started to go south for us. We were TOO in love with eachother and had somewhat of a co-dependent relationship. Well we broke up about a year and a half ago. Talked a bit at the beginning of the breakup, tried to hang out and be friends, but obviously that didn't really work out. So we stopped talking for about 6 months until I got a random text from him saying "Tell me honestly, are you happy?" And the truth was that I had done a LOT of work to get through our breakup and though I still REALLY wanted him back, I wasn't going to beg more than I already had. I told him that being happy was something I work on every single day, but generally I am happy. That's when we started talking again and became really good friends again. He lost his job and fell back into drugs (he had just come out of rehab when we met). His drug of choice was Heroin, but he was also messing with a bunch of random benzos that you can buy online. He hated that he used but he felt so anxious and out of control all the time and felt it was the only thing that could change that for him. He wanted to stop really badly so I walked him through withdrawals and tried to talk him into getting help so many times. I would come to his house and clean up all the needles with him and make a plan for getting him better. We spent a lot of time together because he just needed someone to be there so he wouldn't use. He needed someone he could sit and talk to and laugh with. So that's what we did. Every time he slipped up, I approached him with compassion and told him to just keep trying to do better. He was always so sorry that he disappointed me. Unfortunately, on October 5th, while I was in DC for my friend's wedding, he passed away due to a heroin overdose. I am so completely devastated by the loss. He meant so so so much to me and I can't even express in words the unconditional love he and I had for eachother. I miss him more than I think I'll ever miss anything. He was my favorite person in the whole world. We ended every physical meeting with a hug, and every conversation ended in "I love you and I miss you so much." I think things could have worked out but we both knew that it wouldn't be fair if I he wasn't in the right place with his addiction. I've been feeling incredibly empty and trying to use the energy I have built up to do something about it at the gym. Distracting myself with work and friends and fun stuff, which feels like the right thing to do, but I also just miss him so much. He was an enormous part of my life and showed me love and connection in a way that I think is very rare. We were ALWAYS there for eachother. We had a very deep bond and completely unconditional love.

I'm trying to get in shape because that's a goal I always had while he was alive but wasn't able to meet, but i'm getting discouraged now because i'm not seeing the results I want and I'm just really really really sad that he isn't here. I think I'm doing the right things to grieve, but nothing feels like enough. I just want that beautiful boy back in my life and back to the happy person he was when I met him. I can't believe I won't ever be able to have that again. I feel like I need him to be here and I just can't. I did a lot of researching into buddhist ideas of suffering after we broke up, and I know that I'm suffering with this because I so desperately want to change it. I just don't know how to accept that he's really gone forever. My heart is completely broken.

Posting this here seems like the right thing to do because all of you have been so much help to me in the past and I'm sure some of you will remember my posts about him while we were together. Things weren't always perfect between us, but we were still very much in love. How can I get past this?

To make matters more confusing. I have a HUGE crush on my friend. We met a good 7 months after my ex and I broke up. Hooked up a few times, almost dated, but never really talked about anything and he became one of my best friends. I've always had a huge crush on him but now I'm feeling it very full-force. He knows about this whole situation and what I'm going through right now, and he's been there for me. We have a very natural connection and I always just feel SUPER comfortable with him. He's also not someone who needs me, like my ex was. He's stable in his own life in the same way that I am with mine. He hits all of the criteria I have for a boyfriend. I really want to talk to him about it, but I'm not sure when the right time is or even how to go about it.