You know, I think I have had it better than some of the people on here. I haven't had any threats made or any derogatory comments about it or anything. I feel like there have even been times that felt good and supportive. Basically, nine months ago I told my parents that I was bisexual. We've only talked about it a few times during this period though, because I rarely brought up the subject. At first, it wasn't taken seriously really. They said they accepted it though. There was still a point where my Mom said something about women finding two men together "disgusting", but other than that there wasn't any real problems. Stereotypes got spouted at one point, but I quickly got them past that. They've said they are accepting and would love me no matter what. My Mom has even been lighthearted about it a few times, and she has played around with me about who I liked and stuff. They have been supportive of me wearing something that isn't a thing that guys usually wear. I like wearing it though, and they let me wear it without issues. My Mom even offered to buy it for me. I've had it a hell of a lot better than most people. Then, I asked her how she felt about my sexuality. She admits that she finds it "disturbing", but that "parents don't have to agree with every choice a kid makes. It's something that we could come to terms with or largely come to terms with." They still say they wish me the best life and they definitely love me no matter what, and they have said this to me. You know, I'm really happy that I have a family that loves and supports me regardless. That's a wonderful thing, and I am glad I have it. However, I truly would hope for a day when people around me no longer have these negative feelings about it. I'd hope that someday it can be just taken as something that is rather than something that is "disturbing" but everyone is going to "accept me regardless of it being disturbing". Honestly, it's great that my parents say that they love me and they do. They've also promised not to make comments about being disturbed or feeling negative about it again. It took me a long time to accept it or even acknowledge it, so I can understand that it's difficult. Still, I wonder if this will eventually no longer be "disturbing". They've been fairly lighthearted about it at times, and maybe if I'm more like that about it they won't find it so "disturbing" anymore eventually. It's great to have accepting parents, but it would be even better if they didn't have these negative feelings towards this. I know they are trying, but I find the negative feelings upsetting.
From what you have said I think they likely will move past this stage. The one thing I will say is that it seems like a lot of this is prompted by fear for you and the difficulty that this might impose on your life. When I came out my parents were loving and supportive and disturbed like you wouldn't believe. My Mother was physically ill for a week. But they loved and supported me and, in fact, came to adore the person I became as I came into my own as a gay man. They loved my husband like another son and in fact the last thing my Mother did on her death bed was to make sure he was there, because she loved him and wanted him to be there, but also because she knew I would need him at a moment like that. Cut them some slack. It is disturbing. I bet you were disturbed when you figured it out. Let them have that moment too. We don't have any kids but when I discussed the basics of your posts with my husband and asked him how he would feel if his sister came out he said pretty much what I thought. It would be disturbing, not because there's anything wrong with it--we've both been out for over twenty years, half the people we know are gay, we're married--but the fact of the matter is that it would change the whole way we saw that sibling, the whole trajectory of their life that we had in our heads. And trust me, neither of us are as invested in our siblings' lives as our parents are/were in ours. I don't think I would use the word "disturbed," because I've been through the coming out process and know how things sound from that standpoint. Your parents haven't been through that process though. I would possibly use the word "unsettling" though, because to be honest, I would worry about them. Being LGBT can be wonderful, but let's face it--it's not for sissies, and even I would worry about whether or not someone was really up to the challenge. I don't think that's homophobia, I think it's just genuine concern.
