After almost 5 years she's moved on w someone else and I'm lost...

I'm so sorry to hear this.
I registered onto this site just to write a response. I understand the pain of a breakup. I understand feeling lost and longing for that person when they are gone. In all honesty it is best to have space. I lived with my ex and when we broke up it was disastrous for us to be in the same room together. We were both young and did things that hurt each other because we lacked the emotional maturity to deal with our messy relationship.

It is very unfair of your ex to treat you this way and to drop you like this. She sounds like a douche bag but if she chooses to act like this then that is something you can't control. You need to focus on yourself and your health. Have you considered counselling? Your school should have counselors you could talk to.

IT was very disrespectful of her to up and leave a 5 year relationship for another person. The fact that she developed feelings for someone else and acted on them tells me she did not respect the relationship she was already in. It is selfish. A relationship is a 2 way street and when one person decides to quit then there is no saving it. You deserve someone that will work on a relationship with you and save their love for you.
Saying all of that people and relationships are messy. I have made mistakes like your girlfriend did. I left my first gf when I was 20. We were engaged, she had children and we were a family. I was way too young for that type of comittment. I left because I wanted to try to be with other women. It was not fair to her. I was honest and told her what I wanted. I felt like an ass hole but it was clear to me that our relationship wouldn't work. The next relationship I jumped into was a disaster. I was really immature. I don't regret leaving that relationship though because it was wrong from the beginning and neither of us could see it at the time. But looking back I'm sure she agrees that we were not right for each other. We haven't talked in years. It hurt because she was my best friend at the time but it was best to just part ways sadly.

I told you that story because sometimes, especially with me, we only focus on the pain others have caused us when we are hurt. It is hard to see the whole relationship and situation objectively when emotions run high. We all do things to each other in romantic situations that hurt. I have cheated and been cheated on. I have rationalized my own shitty behaviour to justify why I've done the things I did. I've been hurt but I have also broken hearts. Give yourself time to heal and you will be able to reflect on things. You will likely see it was not an ideal relationship and that it was clear that she had moved on well before she became distant. I can relate to your ex and it is very complicated. It is not you that has done anything wrong. She fell in love with someone else, or she thinks she has, because she thinks that person can fulfill her needs better. But if she is anything like I was she has got issues and needs to work through them before she can ever be able to have a truly healthy relationship. It is not your fault that she wants to be with someone else. There is a difference between ending a relationship and ending a relationship to be with someone else. Especially if it was a 5 yr relationship and she is already after someone else. I guarantee she feels like a shitty human being unless she is a total sociopath. A person can't do what she did without feeling shame and guilt. She does love you and care about you. It's just easier for her to cut off communication. Honestly let her. If it bothers you that she contacts you only on her terms you have to tell her. That is completely unfair and awful. But you need to set your own boundaries with her. You are the only person that will look out for you. You have every right to set your boundaries and yu are the only person that can do that.

Don't listen to your friends. Let yourself mourn and cry all you want. Losing someone is Fucking hard and the pain is awful but that pain will go away with time. Hours will feel like years. Try not to jump into a relationship but if you do become infatuated and become romantically attached to people in your pain don't beat yourself up about it. Just use protection and be safe about it.

In my experience friends and family are really good at telling yu what you should do and give out textbook relationship advice like, "you should stay single for at least a year." Or "focus on you." "Just let her go and get over it!" Etc. But they rarely follow their own advice because being a human is messy and emotional. Shit happens. Break up sex, fights, rebound relationships, hate sex, one night stands... all of that happens during break ups and hard times and while it usually makes things worse it happens. But it really doesn't change the outcome. If you are parting ways and cutting ties it will happen.

You sound young and the greatest gift you have right now is time. Even though it is hard to contemplate at the moment this storm will become a ripple in the sea of your life eventually.