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Strange situation with a girl

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Falklands Sheep, Dec 3, 2015.

  1. Falklands Sheep

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    I find this hard to explain, but I'll try to make it as short and relevant as possible.

    I met a girl three years ago. We grew close within days, and I developed feelings for her. One day, a few months later, she confronted me and told me she figured out I liked her, and asked me to stop. We had a short debate, but that was that.

    In the end, I thought it best to return to the status quo, and remain friends. I buried those feelings as deep as I could, and we continued hanging out as if nothing had happened. That went on for a month.

    After that, we lost contact. I changed universities and slowly we stopped seeing each other. For months we didn't talk, until one day, out of nowhere, she invited me to her birthday party.

    Since then, it sort of became an unspoken agreement that, even if we didn't even acknowledge each other's existence during the year, I would attend her parties regardless, so we could catch up and drink.

    Now, here's the problem. While I did move on (or at least thought I did), I never developed feelings for anyone else. I've met several good looking girls and boys, but none of them caught my eye. If anything, I found their company pleasant, but in friendly terms alone.

    The thing is, every time I attend these parties, this girl gets blind drunk, and, partly because I'm protective of my friends, and partly because nobody else does, I end up taking care of her. Every time we end up alone in her room, often on her bed, with me trying to stop her from falling apart.

    By that point, my feelings for her resurface. I can't help it, and it hurts. I probably won't see her again for a year, but after this year's party, I realized I must do something about this.

    If you read this far, I thank you. Thoughts?
     
  2. questions4ever

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    Wow that sounds like a tough situation. I feel like in this case you have to tell her. I would sit down and explain what you just said to her. Explain how much you care about her and ask that she give you a chance.

    ---------- Post added 4th Dec 2015 at 09:20 AM ----------

    At that point you will either have a love interest or the peace needed to move on
     
  3. SparklyTaco17

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    Don't go to her parties
     
  4. Falklands Sheep

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    You both make good points, but it's not that simple. Regarding not attending the party in the first place, that could work, but then again, I think it would be a waste. I'm not exactly the most outgoing person, and attending events like these every now and then are a breathe of fresh air. Besides, I've grown quite fond of the other guys, and we have a lot of fun together.

    And as for telling her, well, I can't think of any way to do it without making it extremely awkward. We barely talk during the year, and coming out of nowhere with this isn't going to solve anything. I could try attempting to keep contact, but she rarely replies to my texts (or, as I learnt last year, anyone's texts), and calling her is out of the question. I'll give it a shot, though. Perhaps something good comes out of it.

    I've been doing some thinking, and I think the best course of action would be not getting too involved. The whole problem originates in me playing babysitter for her, and being exposed to a drunk version of her that treats me with that same trust and closeness as she did three years ago.

    But, then again, she needs someone to give her a hand, and usually her best friend is in the same, or even worse condition. I can't just leave her to pass out in the hallway, for the sake of sparing my feelings.

    And, just as a little rant, this year there was this one guy that had something for her. We talked for a while, and I figured "hey, he could be a good boyfriend for her, and thus give me finally some closure". Well, turns out he wouldn't stop smoking pot a few hours after I met him, got wasted with alcohol, didn't lift a finger when she almost passed out on me, and, to put a cherry on top, sent her these awfully needy and cheesy texts after leaving.

    I'm really, really glad she rejected him.
     
  5. novaastra

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    I think you're holding on to the hope that she likes you when she sounds like she's just using you. I know what you mean by needing to get out every once & a while so I would still go to the parties but have you kissed anyone else in front of her? If so, how did she react?

    The best situation would be to avoid the parties & just try to move on because it seems you're wasting your time.(I know how hard this can be but it makes room for you to meet someone really like & who likes you back)
     
  6. Falklands Sheep

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    It does sometimes feel a little like she's using me. And no, I've never kissed anyone in front of her. Well, anyone, period. We did bring up the subject of partners once, after she sobered up, and I took the chance to see how she would react to a little story of mine. But, alas, I'm awful at reading people. I may have noticed a slight bit of jealousy in how she replied, but it was probably just in my head.

    And, while I'd really like meeting someone who I'd like, and who would like me back, I'm not really sure how that'd go. The places I go and events I attend are not places where I could look for a significant other.

    To give you an idea, only a tiny fraction of the people there are below 40 years old. Those that are below that age, are too young, and sons/daughters of the older people. One of them actually tried to hook me up with his daughter, who's 15. And I'm 20. The guy's a police officer, and is inciting me with jailbait.

    But, surely there are a few that don't follow this trend? Well, yes. I've met two girls who don't fit either criteria, but they happen to be hardcore fascists. I'm not even kidding, one of them has an eagle tattoo'd on her back, and the other attends rallies in a "uniform" not too different from Hitler's Sturmabteilung's.

    And while I could try going to other places, I don't really know where. My circle of friends is composed mainly of 40-50 year old married men who like painting toy soldiers, shooting antique guns and participating in living history events. And those are the things I love doing as well.

    I can't say I enjoy going out all night clubbing or drinking in pubs, because I'd rather spend that night in a canvas tent full of straw, dressed in 19th century clothes. Weird, yes, but I love it.

    And as for the people in my university, like I said in the first post, I find them pleasant at best, but I haven't met a single one who caught my eye.
     
    #6 Falklands Sheep, Dec 8, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2015