If you've read my previous threads you would know that I have been in love with a close friend for quite some time now. I can't explain the feeling and the vibe I have which is quite strong at times telling me she feels the same way and/or is atleast hiding deep in the closet (as most people do in high school) But the more and more we hang out my feelings grow and she is so confusing She's so touchy and refers to me as her girlfriend to people we meet out as a 'joke', she looks at me in this way sometimes where she looks lost in my eyes if that makes sense But now these feelings are so strong that it seems different, almost like I am fighting for her attention and affection and for her to notice or want to hang out with me. I've come to realise this is in her nature to be quite affectionate and sarcastic with people, I wouldn't be surprised if everyone she's friends with is secretly in love with her she's just that type of person who's energy is addictive. But I can't help but think it's different with us, the way we sometimes get nervous around each other alone etc. It's been far too long and now I've noticed a shift where I am basically sending signs left right and centre saying "I like you!!!! can't you tell!!!??' and before it wasn't like that, she was the one sending these signs - but I can't tell if they were even signs or this is just her personality. I have a very strong feeling she's gay but in denial or closeted and there's many many reasons for this but I am constantly doubting our friendship, some days I'm sure she likes me others I'm confused. I need to distance myself, but whenever I say I will I can't because we're such close friends and hang out with the same people at school and even outside of school. How do I give her an indication that I've distanced myself because I want to see how she reacts/what happens if I do. Has anyone had a similar experience if so how did it turn out and what's your advice?
Hey, I know how you feel, I've been in your position before. When we have feelings for someone, we idolize them and begin to picture ourselves with them. When we really hope for something, we look for every sign that they are interested in us to convince ourselves that we are not wrong; we think everything they do is flirting. I use to have this massive crush on this friend of mine, and I thought that he might have been gay as well, but was closeted about it. Eventually after 11 months of hiding it from him, I finally told him how I felt, he told me that he didn't feel the same way because he was straight, but he was flattered. After that, I finally got over him. The only way to find out if she likes you is for you to be honest with her (if you feel comfortable) If you're waiting for her to tell you that she likes you, then you might be waiting forever either because she's straight and doesn't feel the same way, or she's just as scared as you. Asking someone out or telling someone our feelings is scary because we feel vulnerable because we are opening ourselves up to reject, but without risks, there is not reward. Are you out to her yet? Maybe coming out to her will encourage her to come out to you. The point is this, if you tell her and she doesn't feel the same way, don't be discouraged, and remember a crush is not a major deal, it's just a little crush, it can't hurt you, and it's perfectly normal.
I've always had trouble figuring out if people I liked were attracted to me or just being friendly. Honestly, trying to guess at what someone was thinking just felt bad, even when it felt good to be their friend, if that makes any sense at all. When you don't know what the other person's thinking, everything has to be analyzed, and that's kind of stressful. There's no way to know 100% what she's thinking unless she tells you, and it seems like she might be either too nervous or too unaware to say anything. If she doesn't say anything, you're going to keep wondering. If you say something and she doesn't feel the same way, it'll hurt, but then you'll know. Of course, do whatever you think will make you happy. If it helps at all, whenever I get stuck on a person, I force myself to think of it this way: if nothing ever happens, and I feel miserable over it, at least it was fun getting to know them. It's annoyingly optimistic, but somehow helps me, so I hope it helps you. I wish you the best of luck.
