So, I've been with my girlfriend for over a year now and am madly in love with her! We've talked about marriage when the time is right, and if I could afford to and if I was at the right point of my coming out, I would propose to her tomorrow if I could. Anyways, from the beginning, we've always had a very open and honest relationship. We tell each other who we are hanging out with and such, just out of respect and trusting one another. Well, my girlfriend's ex live across the street from her. From day 1 she's told me this and she's told me they are still friends. They were together for 5 years and even though their relationship was rocky, they have been a big part of each other's lives and after a a while of not talking to one another and such, they are now friends again. They don't talk and hang out all the time, but when they do, my gf does tell me. Well recently, my gf has had some issues with her job and is quitting. Since she and her ex work in the same field, she applied for a several jobs around town and ended up getting a job as the same place her ex works at. I trust my gf 100% but I know that her ex can be untrustworthy. This is not a trust thing, and I know my gf needs the job and I would never ask her to quit a job that pays well because of this, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little jealous. I work and am in college, so I don't get to see her that much. Now that she's working there, I'm kinda scared that she and her ex will get close (not sexually or dating wise) but just become closer friends again and that makes me really jealous. I don't know what to do... does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle something like this??? Thanks!!:help:
Its never easy to see an ex with someone else, whether it's your ex, or the ex with your lover. Try to make more time to see your girlfriend whenever you can, cuz if she feels she's drifting from you, things between her and her ex may escalate. Other than that, I'm not sure how else to help, since I've never been in a relationship that dedicated.
As coworkers, they should be working, not hanging out. Depending on the nature of the job, they may not work at the same times or in the same areas or they might be too busy to be in close contact. I know this is easier said than done, but try not to worry about things that might happen. Instead, focus on the things that are happening. Try to spend as much time with her as you can. Keep the openness going within your relationship.
They will be working at a restaurant together. They'll be waitresses and my gf is also a bartender. Around here, the food service industry is pretty tight nit with a lot of small restaurants and everyone knows everyone kinda thing. And a lot of them are friends outside of work as well. Unfortunately, we don't get a lot of time together because I work full time and am working on my masters degree as well. We spend as much time together as we can and its great. Her ex lives across the street from her and sometimes they'll have a drink and hang out for a little while, or they will help each other do their yards or just things friends would do. I offer to do those things when I can but sometimes I'm not able to. I've met the ex and she's a cool person and can see why they're friends and all. And I won't tell her who she can and can't be friends with because I am still friends with my exes as well. They just don't live nearby and they're guys so it's not as big an issue. One was driving through town and I went and had dinner with him and she was perfectly fine with it. We have a lot of trust with one another and I'm very grateful for that. It is more of a sense of jealousy than anything. With my busy schedule, I don't get to go out and do things very often. So when she gets to go out and hang out with her friends (ex or not) I get really jealous. I've never really been a jealous person before (I think because I've never really cared for someone so much) so this feeling is so new to me.
Feelings can't be controlled. However, one can choose to ignore those feelings and honor the commitment. But that's hard. It's like dieting. You decided to commit but when the hunger is there, felt and raging, majority of people decides to give in and "munch on the fries." All I am saying is that, always ALWAYS make sure that you make ample amount of time for your girlfriend and that you are always available for her. Love is fickle. So don't be complacent.
I think you should be honest with your GF about feeling a little insecure about her spending time with her ex. Let her know it's not a trust thing just a perfectly natural reaction to the situation. Let her know you of course expect her to stay in the new job but just want to be honest with her about your feelings and that you will manage them as best you can. I think honest is the best policy. Your feelings aren't bad, they just are what they are. Your GF should appreciate that you are being honest and open with her. Hopefulyl her reaction will be to offer a little more reassurance and support.
Thanks guys. We are usually very open and honest and talk about our feelings and stuff. But sometimes it takes us a while to put our feelings into words. I never hide anything from her and neither does she. We have set aside date night because of our busy schedules and she stops by and sees me on her way home from work almost every night that we aren't staying together. And any time she calls me or needs me to do something, I'm definitely there for her. Our schedules are just ridiculous. My schedule: Monday: Get off work at 6:30 am. Drive an hour back home to shower and go to class by 9 am. By noon, I'm in bed because of night shift. Tuesday: Class and research from 8 am to 5 pm Wednesday: class and research 8-5 Thursday: 8-5 Friday: class 8-noon ish. nap, then work from 8pm-8am Saturday: get off work around 8am. come home to nap back to work at 8pm Sunday: off work around 8am. come home to nap and back to work at 8pm Her schedule: Wednesday thru Monday works 10am to midnight some nights. So, as you can see, our schedules don't give us a lot of time off together. But we have a really strong relationship. Monday and Tuesday are our scheduled nights for each other. She doesn't really hang out with her friends or ex very often either, but sometimes its a go downtown have a drink and go home sort of thing. But it's usually the weekends when I'm working and can't leave to go see her or anything. Occasionally it's during the week and I can go hang out for a little bit. Mostly, we spend our lives exhausted! I wish we could do more things together as a couple. We wanted to go to the pumpkin patch and pick out pumpkins to carve and stuff but we never could because we never got off work in time. Since we don't get much time together, I get jealous when she has a little bit of time to hang out with her friends, and I know that its nothing to be worried or jealous about, but I just wish I had that time with her.
