Hey, I don't know if this is the right forum to post this on, but I got good help from you all and got a good feeling from you, so I hope I can share my problems here. If this isn't the right place, please let me know. So, 16 years old and really conflicted with my orientation. I think I am bisexual, cause I have a crush on a really good friend from school. Probably it won't work out, he isn't too accepting about homosexuals and has a girlfriend. I kind of gave up on this, and hope we can just be good friends. Next to this being on my mind 24/7, I have my situation at home. I have a dad and a mom, and also a brother. My brother is the typical "I am here to make your life worse" brother, and thats generally how he treats me. We are in some serious fights, mostly because he just treats me like trash. My parents are kind of the same. They give me the feeling that I am just someone they are obliged to feed, next to someone who will earn them money when they can't. The only thing I hear from them is that I do things wrong or that I should do better, with the exceptional "we are proud", when I got my report card from school which is my only place where I kind of feel at home. Next to them telling me I do stuff wrong, they tell me that my behavior is wrong. Even last week, my dad told me that something was wrong with me because I "didn't act nice". I told him that I had a reason for it, and if he wanted to know, he could tell me. He didn't want to know, he just wanted me to act normal. Then I said that that would mean that I would just neglect my problems and pretend that I was happy, and according to him that was the way if that was needed for me to act 'normal'. I think this is absurd, and my parents should be there for me. If they see that I act different, they should ask what is going on, or be supportive. Instead, I should just fake everything and make sure no one around us notices something is wrong. This just breaks me up inside. I myself am really conflicted with who I am, as I also don't really have someone to talk about things. I notice around me that no one has such big fights with their parents / brothers as I do, and that kills me. The only thing I want is to be happy, to have a brother I can hang out with and parents who support me. The only thing I have is me being conflicted, about who would like me, about what I am doing wrong and who I am. I get the feeling more and more that it is my fault, while I am doing my best. I talk to as many people as I can, and the focus of every conversation is to make someone laugh or to make someone happy. It always makes me happy when I had a nice conversation with someone or someone tells me thank you for something, because it gives me the feeling that I AM useful. The feeling I don't get at home, the place where I would like to feel safe as much as possible. I hope someone of you has some advice. I am writing this with tears in my eyes, as the Christmas break is coming up and it just tears me up that I will have no one to spend the time with. Most people will just love it to have a week of and just watch shows all day in bed, but the only thing I want is people to hang out with, someone to talk to and who asks me to hang out. I would like to spend my time having fun with friends, instead of thinking about how to get someone to talk to me. I really want to be happy, but at this moment, I can't. I am worrying way too much and just think that it's my fault. I would like to have one or maybe a few good friends, with who I can share my worries. Instead, I don't have someone to talk to, and I would just like to have a friend by my side.
I am so sorry you feel this way. I'm going trough a similar thing and although I may not be able to offer the best advice I think letting your feelings out is a good thing. I'm in love with a very good friend aswell who most likely doesn't feel the same way, my parents are not accepting of homosexuals either and my friends at school constantly say derogatory things about the LGBT community making this process of finding myself a lot harder. We all go through these tough times in our lives but I for one believe that one day we will be stronger because of them. Why don't you reach out to a friend from school, I know it's scary and you feel vulnerable but it wojld be good for you to tell someone how you are feeling, or even talk to your orients about how they make you feel. What keeps me going is the hope and belief that good things are coming, it's so hard to be positive in times like this but if you remain positive, positive things and people will attract themselves into your life. Stay strong. You can always message me if you want to talk
Thank you for your comment! What would be your recommendation be to tell someone? Most people I talk to at school are people who I usually joke around with, and others I don't know too well at this level. I would like to tell someone I know I can trust and who possibly could help me find out who I am, but how do I find this person? I think the guy I like wouldn't be the best option, would it?
Hey! I agree with treasure that reaching out and opening up to someone about your feelings can really help in times like this! Not only does it take some weight of your shoulders, and reaffirm how you feel, It shows the person you are telling that you trust them and can lead to a deeper friendship. Definitely don't start by telling the guy you might like, if he was made to feel uncomfortable it might end any chance of a friendship. Find someone you feel relaxed and comfortable with, even if your not super close to them yet, My best friends now were acquaintances at one point! Most importantly don't rush anything, everyone handles this differently. Follow your heart, and good luck!
Hi. I'm so sorry you feel like this :/ It is very sad that there are out there people who feel this way. I am 16 years old too and I can say that usually I feel like I am alone and I think that no one is there for me. Although I have friends, there are times that I feel that no one can help me. I think that I am like a problem in their problems. All of my friends accept me for what I am what hearing people and specifically boys making fun of gays I feel frightened. Also, even if you find people that you can say your problems , I really don't know if that works. Nowadays unfortunately you can't trust anyone because you can be the "gossip headline ". If you know what I mean. But I hope that you will find someone out there who will be your true friend.
Thank you all for your replies I really appreciate it, this is the reason why think there's still hope lol. The thing for me now is telling someone. As most of you recommended, I should find someone I trust. I have a few people in mind, but to be honest I have no idea how to tackle this. Should I invite them over, should I ask them to stay a little bit longer after school? I feel really nervous about telling someone, I just wished they already knew and were fine with it...
Woah,dude, I can totally relate on the whole parents and siblings and nobody else seems to be going through what I'm going through thing." Honestly, my advice to you would be to just find something that you love watching on your phone/computer or an activity that will distract you from real life, for just a bit. That's what I do sometimes,even though it does kinda hurt when real life comes crashing back down, with school tests, and family/personal problems and such. Well, I hope I at least helped!
Woah,dude, I can totally relate on the whole parents and siblings and nobody else seems to be going through what I'm going through thing." Honestly, my advice to you would be to just find something that you love watching on your phone/computer or an activity that will distract you from real life, for just a bit. That's what I do sometimes,even though it does kinda hurt when real life comes crashing back down, with school tests, and family/personal problems and such. Well, I hope I at least helped!
