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LGBT and Monogamy

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Ryuji35, Dec 6, 2015.

  1. Ryuji35

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    Why am I reading a lot of articles that brand Gay Marriage as non-Monogamous? Is it true? I am gay, in my mid-20s, and I want a monogamous and faithful relationship. Nut I am shocked that the media and their "studies" claim that Gay Marriages are non-monogamous and it works like a lot.

    Is this true? I seem to can't accept the idea at all.
     
  2. vinylcountdown

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    The Idea of Monogamy vs. an open relationship really comes down to your views on your relationship and sex.

    A popular stereotype of the lgbt community is that they are all against monogamy and that sleeping around in a relationship is expected. Honestly In my personal experience the opposite is true, most of the gay guys I've talked to want the same things as I do. Commitment, faithfulness, and loyalty.

    Some gay couples are definitely in open relationships, but then again so are some straight couples, when you have a smaller samples size its easy to look at a few examples and quickly label all gay people as unfaithful . My advice is don't worry too much about it, your not the only gay guy who feels the way you do about relationships! It might take some looking to find the right guy who aligns with your life goals, but in the end it will have been worth it.

    Best of luck!
     
  3. DemiLiHue

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    Being Polyamorus and Being gay are two different things, despite the fact that you can't be in a polygamist relationship if you are straight. Many people mix this two different concepts because Polyamorus people ARE indeed LGBTQ+
    Or at least that is what I think

    ---------- Post added 7th Dec 2015 at 03:45 PM ----------

    Being Polyamorus and Being gay are two different things, despite the fact that you can't be in a polygamist relationship if you are straight. Many people mix this two different concepts because Polyamorus people ARE indeed LGBTQ+
    Or at least that is what I think
     
  4. AKTodd

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    My first question is what the source of these articles is? I have my doubts about the source, frankly.

    Beyond that, my husband and I have only been married about a year, but have been in a monogamous relationship for nearly 20 years. You will also find other people here who have been in relationships comparable amounts of time.

    As has been pointed out, there are some couples that do open relationships, or 'play as a couple' with other people. But straights do that too. Of course, with straights this is given a pass as being their business and no one else's or being edgy and exciting or whatever other excuse people want to come up with. But if it's a gay couple then it's just awful and makes a definitive statement about all gay relationships everywhere :tantrum:

    Anyway,

    Todd
     
  5. Jax12

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    I myself could not be in an open relationship, for many reasons. With an open relationship, I do not know who and where my partner has been with, so that requires a huge amount of trust. Second, I would be emotionally torn between my partner and who my partner is meeting up with.

    But open relationships work for other people, so I don't judge. If it works for them then that's all good. It's their life, not mine.
     
    #5 Jax12, Dec 7, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2015
  6. OGS

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    I think it sells papers--or I suppose generates clicks. Do open relationships exist in the gay community? Absolutely, as they do in the straight community. Are they more common in the gay community? I think they are but I don't know that that means non-monogamy is more common I think we're just more honest with each other about it. As far as the idea that it is the norm--that I don't believe. The vast majority of gay male couples that I know are monogamous and I can't actually think of any gay married couples I know who aren't.

    In fact not only do I think monogamy is the (possibly new) norm I think we are starting to police each other to that in a way that I think is sad. I've been with my husband for 18 years and we're monogamous. That's our choice, but it's not the only valid choice and I think more and more in the gay community it is seen as the only valid choice. And I think that's not a good thing. It seems to me that over the last five or six years the gay community has been infected with a sort of bourgeois sexual morality that has become self policing. And it makes me sad. I think assimilation is a rather profound down side of the gay marriage movement--we gave up the right to define our relationships as we see fit.

    As far as the OP, you'll do fine. In my experience pretty much everyone is looking for what you are--the revolution is dead.
     
  7. Ryuji35

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    Well, I am not actually abhorring the idea of gay people having an open relationship if that is truly what some people want. It's just that, because of all the things that are happening in the media and, sadly, around me, I have this complete lack of faith that even if people wanted to be monogamous, they can only do so initially.

    I guess my issues stem from the fact that I wanted to actually know if commitment, loyalty, and faithfulness still exists. I have read and heard so much about people (straight or gay) leaving their spouses after 1, 3, 5, 20 or even 40 years of marriage because they fell in love with another person, cheated on them etc. etc. And with the Ashley Madison scandal and the idea that 1 million couples a year in the USA alone divorce, is it still okay for me to expect (or even hope) to find a partner for life with all the "fairy-tale" qualities I mentioned above? Am I deluding myself that even if I will invest 100% of my love and my life to my partner(Which I will do so without a doubt,) there is nothing I can do if my partner will find a new person to love? I am really scared to put myself in that expectation and be soul-crushed after.
     
    #8 Ryuji35, Dec 8, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2015
  8. OGS

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    Oh I think it definitely exists and, to be honest, I think the kind of fairy-tale relationship you are talking about is actually more common amongst gay people. I think there's something about really having to fight for a relationship, something about having to fight for honesty and love that I think frankly makes LGBT people value their relationships more. I work with mainly straight guys and I can't count the number of times I have heard some variation on "I wish my wife and I could be as close as you guys are". Other friends have heard similar things from other straight people. I don't know if it's just the fact that gay couples are more alike than straight couples or if it's just that all that pressure makes diamonds but it really is true that most of the happiest long term couples I know are gay. Come on in--the water's fine.