Aaaah I dont have a question i just need to let it out because IM SO FREAKIN NERVOUS!! Im meeting my crush next week and we're spending xmas together, I know theres *still* one week left but Ive been waiting for more than a year! She lives in the other side of the world (literally) and I met her last year. Someone asked me in front of her if I was straight then I said "no" and she started to flirt with me (she's bi) but I didnt think I like her back then, although it felt very good when she was around and I blushed so much when she kissed my face to say goodbye. Now the more we've talked online and the more I know her, the more I like her. She's got me crazy and I want to hold her hand and to kiss her and to call her babe and yeah I think I want to make love to her but thats a mess because its the first girl/person I ever want to have sex with, i dont know if Ill be good at it I dont know if Ill be able to do it (always thought I was asexual). I dont even know if ill like her in person since i didnt when I met her and maybe my feelings change in real life. I dont know if she'll still like me and i dont know if she'll freak out when I tell her about me thinking about being asexual (does she even know such a thing exists?) or a virgin, she's not seeing that one coming at all. . And how are we going to spend three weeks together if the situation gets that awkward? omg. It can be either incredibly cool or a huge dissaster. So Im extremely nervous. But I know I gotta get through this, it will really help me understand who I am. It sucks that she's so far away and if it works we cant develop a normal relationship, i mean I could move there but uff i dont know. Unless we find out we were born to be together I dont think giving up all my life is an option lol And well maybe that prevents her from doing anything too... Oh but she's so sweet and cute and she texts me everyday now, so do I, (which is kind normal since im going there in a week, but still) and she sais she's happy that I go there and she's looking forward. And everytime she texts me I swear I die, I feel like a teenager. Ill keep you updated because I dont think I can handle all of this on my own! thanks for reading ^^ (!)(!)
