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Getting Over First Break Up- Still Closeted

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by schwab22, Dec 7, 2015.

  1. schwab22

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Salt Lake City
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    This is my first time on this website, so I don't really know how to start things out. I am bisexual and have known that I am attracted to men and women since I was 11 or 12. I come from a very religious family though and as such have never even dared express my attraction towards other men for fear of their reaction. Now I am away at college and I finally felt like it was time to explore this part of myself. I signed up for a dating website, started chatting with guys online, and started going on dates. I met one guy and we really just hit it off. We had a lot in common and he really just understood me (he had grown up in a similar background and we had many of the same likes and dislikes.) Anyway, we started dating and it was amazing. After our second date we were so surprised at how happy and comfortable we both felt, as well as how quickly we had developed strong feelings for each other. We dated for about a month and then one day he asked me to pick him up so we could talk. I was a bit nervous, but things were going great so I didn't think too much of it. On our drive he told me this was hard for him, but that he had already suffered in the closeted and didn't want to be pulled back in with me. He told me he deserved better and that even though he really loved me he wanted to break up... I was completely blindsided and did not know how to react. So I dropped him back off at his apartment, and then proceeded to cry the whole way home. It's been a few days now and I am so depressed. I just am confused, and hurt, and sad, and as much as I want to I just can't get over him. The hardest part is I am completely closeted (My family and good friends are all extremely religious and homophobic) so I'm going through so much pain but there's no one I can talk to about it. What should I do? How can I get over this? I just want to feel ok again. I would love to hear any advice or personal experiences that could help me out. Please let me know.
     
  2. Ram90

    Full Member

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    Gay
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    That is sad. I'm very sorry that happened to you. (*hug*)

    I'm from a religious and orthodox family and had a traditional upbringing. Because of my homophobic environment I've stayed closeted to date. I don't think I will be coming out to my parents and peers anytime soon.

    I haven't gone out and met men, nor have I dated or been in a relationship. But from what you wrote I can see that the two of you really liked each other and wanted to see how things were. The fact that you dated for a month tells me that you were genuinely interested in each other.

    What I think is that since you're closeted, he might have felt that he would have to tiptoe along the people around you. That if you guys ever encountered someone you know you would have to pretend to be friends and not 2 people seeing each other. I'm guessing he wasn't closeted. So maybe he couldn't understand your situation or maybe since he came out earlier, he didn't want to experience being closeted through you.

    I'm not saying being closeted is something wrong. Remember, I'm one too. :slight_smile:. I guess it was something different for him. Was it wrong of him to break up with you since you were closeted. I think yes. Being closeted is a personal thing. People have their reasons for being in the closet. I'm sure he was in the closet once. Everyone is at a point. Some of them come out quicker than others. It's just like the caterpillar and the butterfly. Some butterflies take longer to come out of the cocoon. It doesn't mean that they are any different from the other butterflies. The same point came be said here. He should've been more understanding.

    The fact that you are away at college, I'm presuming away from your family too, and the fact that you've started dating means that you took a step and have started embracing your true self in the open. That itself means in one way you took a step out of the closet, albeit tiny, but in my dictionary it's pretty big(I haven't done that yet too. So it's big in my opinion). He should've acknowledged that and been a bit more considerate.

    That said, I'm my opinion if he was really "the" one for you, he would've been more supportive. The fact that you being closeted bothered him after spending only a month with you means that he isn't very supportive and is more concerned about himself. Not that it is completely a bad thing, but in this case I feel it is. I think in one way you're lucky he made his feelings clear early on rather than to bottle his feelings up and lead you on longer.

    I'm sure you'll find the right supportive guy. He'll come along. :slight_smile: In the meantime I'm here for you. :slight_smile:. Feel free to message me on my wall. I'll reply anytime. :slight_smile:. Everyone at EC is here for you too.

    Sorry if this post it long. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:. I just wanted to be supportive.
     
    #2 Ram90, Dec 7, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2015