I kind of have a way of asking the same questions over and over about this, but at least they did ultimately say to me that they would never avoid speaking to me. Later on, as I continued to ask they kept saying the same thing that they would never avoid contact with me and my Dad said he would always be by my side. At first though, my Mom did say, "Is it really the most important thing whether or not your parents speak with you?" However, my Dad was asking my Mom at one point and I was eavesdropping, "Why did you act uncertain if we would speak to him or not." I heard her answer with, "Well there would be." I just don't understand, what was she saying "Well there would be" to. Was she saying, "Well there would be some uncertainty as to whether we'd speak to him." Was she saying, "Well there would be contact". I just couldn't make heads or tails of it at the time, and now I'm wondering. Then, Dad asked again from upstairs about whether there was uncertainty about whether they would speak with me. I clearly heard her say to him, "There's uncertainty in life." She kind of says things like that a lot, often going along with the theme of "we'll be dead someday" type remarks. They have been asking stupid questions too about my sexuality that seem to come in phases. They've also said some things like admitting they find it "disturbing" and that in consort with my emotional problems that it makes them feel like "there is no light at the end of the tunnel". At one point, my Mom even said that she wondered if I may be saying it to "get a rise out of them". On the other hand, they have been saying that they accept me regardless and love me regardless. Once my Mom even said something about always wanting to have a close relationship with me, but that was quite a while back. Recently, I sent them an email explaining things in more detail, and they said to it, "that all sounds good". However, I am still concerned about the "well there would be" comment. It just puzzles me. On one hand, I wouldn't really think they'd be the types to disown or shun me over this. Yet on the other hand, the "well there would be" comment just perplexes me. What on Earth was she saying that there would be? On top of that, they deny this remark. My Dad claims that she said that there wouldn't be uncertainty not that there would be. They also deny saying the whole "There's uncertainty in life" thing, and they say it wasn't said in response to my question. It's confusing, like I want to trust them, but part of me thinks they might be just waiting and behind my back entertaining the idea of completely shunning me if I were ever to be involved with a guy. I know I have posted similar threads, but I don't get the 'well there would be' remark. The fact that they say they 'don't remember' saying these things makes me think even more that they may be behind my back entertaining the idea of possibly cutting their ties with me one day. It's weird though, because to me nothing like that has been said. In fact, I've even been told that they love and accept me regardless. I was even told that they want me to come to self acceptance, and that I should make my own choices. There have been some stupid questions and comments about the idea that I couldn't commit. My Mom also admitted that she found it "disturbing", said that she wonders if I am saying it to "get a rise out of them", and has even said that in consort with my emotional issues that it makes her feel like it's all pointless and hopeless. On the other hand, I sent an email explaining things further and she said, "that all sounds good" indicating her feeling accepting. I'm just seriously wondering about that "well there would be" comment. It makes me concerned that they are entertaining the option of cutting off ties with me someday in the future over something related to all this. They insist that they never would cut off ties with me though and that they would always speak to me and be 'by my side', so I'm just confused as hell about what 'there would be' with regard to that comment.
