Hi, I'm new to the site. My boyfriend of over a year and I recently broke up (incompatibility), but we plan on remaining friends. It's going well so far, and I think we're both keeping a positive attitude about it. However, I've run into one problem that has plagued me in the past: jealousy. I have always struggled with being too attached to my boyfriend, and allowing small things, like other people having his attention, to bother me. Now that we're broken up, I think that I need to transition to a state of mind where it doesn't bother me when he spends time with others and when I don't know what he's doing/where he is (it would have been healthier if these didn't bother me during our relationship either, but it's a bit late now). Ultimately, I'd like to be able to accept that he is going to move on, get close to, and date other people. I really want to be able to treat him just as another good friend of mine. Anyway, if any of you have any advice or would like to share a time when you went through something similar, I'd love to hear it! Sorry for the mild wall of text, but thank you! :icon_bigg
I think you should focus more on you and less on him. I can have similar problems at times, though not so much related to jealousy (more a feeling of loneliness). By focusing on him you are going to drive yourself crazy. Try to pay more attention to the things you do throughout the day and really be in the moment of those things to keep your head clear. I don't know if you are in school/work, but if you are in class for example, put your phone and social media away and give 100% to class/work. If you are with family, really enjoy their company, etc so that your mind is focused on YOU and your tasks. What he is doing will slowly become secondary. Alternatively, my personal experience with this has been that staying friends with an ex is almost impossible. There is typically too much history, anger, and jealousy remaining that I have no interest in knowing about their next relationships or even what they are doing. Like you, I care too much and I often find its easier and healthier to let go completely.
Thanks so much for your input. I will take your advice to heart, but, for now, I will try to keep the friendship. I acknowledge it quite possibly won't work out but we were pretty much just close friends anyway. Thanks again for your help!
Hmmm... I dunno. I'm not sure if this is a good idea but up to you! For me, what really works is complete no contact. At least for a while.
