So I suppose everyone's been their one time or another it's just my turn, so my boyfriend cheated on me. But it wasn't sexual so Im kind of in a grey area .the story is Last Saturday at 2am apparently my BF had a craving for hot chocolate which by the convo on the phone before I went to bed confirms he asked his friends for some only one replied (I'll call him Steve) so steve points out hey are you sure your BF is okay with you coming over to a guys so late at night ? ....of course my BF( let's call him Tim) didn't even notify me so my BF goes to Walmart and goes to Steves house and they do what my BF came to do watch movies and drink hot chocolate then after the movie steve kisses my boyfriend and makes out with him and my BF has pre ejaculation issues and they made out long enough to activate that and then my boyfriend got up and left and he hide what happened he texted steve sorry that happened it's not my intention , I want you as a friend nothing more and that was that until of course I saw my boyfriends texts last night when I was just going to hack his FB but I had to check his texts because I had a sinking feeling and it proved to be true ..... Backround is me and my BF have only been dating 1 month but exclusively seeing each other for 2 and up until now everything was good but being the person I am with trust issues idk what to do now =\
I think you should tell him you know, and break up with him. If he doesn't fight for the relationship dont forgive him.
Okay... there's really two issues here: First off: the part where your boyfriend made out with another guy. That is obviously not OK. And what mostly made it not OK is that he tried to cover it up. Even assuming it was somehow a momentary lapse, he could have at least let you know that he did something truly stupid, and to work through it together. I'm not going to jump to the "just dump him" just yet. Sometimes people DO manage to have a good talk and manage to reestablish boundaries and get things patched up. But yes. You will have to confront him with it and talk this over (preferably like adults, and not in a shouting match of reproaches). And if, at the end of that conversation, you don't feel like you can ever regain your trust, then that might be it. So in short: I can't tell you to forgive or not. You'll have to talk this through and come to that decision based on that discussion. Secondly: the part where you're casually breaking into his stuff. This, also, is NOT OK! I mean... yes, this time you found out something. But that doesn't take away the fact that you are just casually mentioning hacking facebook and going through texts as if it's not a big deal. As if it's only natural that people try to read each other's private messages behind each other's backs. Also, from your rather detailed account of what happened with Steve... I'm presuming you didn't just read a single text. Or how else do you know all those details? I'm supposing they didn't recount the whole affair in text form to each other. Some might say: "but you found out you were right! That makes the snooping allright as well!", but I'm going to disagree. If you don't trust your BF enough to let him text and message his own friends... then what is your relationship built on in the first place? Is there EVER an amount of snooping at which you trust someone? Or were you planning on just checking behind his back forever? So... you might want to look into this. If it was just this relationship.. then maybe it was a bad sign from the outset. If it is how you'd act in any relationship, then you may want to work on learning to trust people now. You have found out something today, but you can't let distrust for people rule your entire life!
Sigh, this is exactly why I am not yet in a relationship. I am not ready nor willing to engage in dramas like these. But anyway, talk to him. Your relationshis is just 3 months and it's better for you to know right now if this is worth pursuing OR breaking. Don't wait when you are truly in love with him and invested so much before you decide on this fork road.
Thank you for the input guys , I'm not the rash one to walk out ASAP but for me trust is HUGE and once it's busted it can never be the same .... I do / did care greatly for him but now it's like the whole thing is exploding one by one and wall after wall are being raised to protect myself ....and yes Filip I admit looking at his texts were wrong and it originally was just this little game where we'd hack each other's Facebook and write something cute on each other's wall but I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach to check the messages , I've never got that feeling with him or any of my past relationships so I did look and that's when I found it and confronted him
