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is there anyone that gets this?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by mere0324, Dec 9, 2015.

  1. mere0324

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Spokane
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    hi all, I am new an posted something before but no one responded. I feel so alone...I am a lesbian but I'm married to an FTM. I love him, he is someone I will fight for forever. He listens, he loves me unconditionally, he works with me even when it sucks. And yet I am increasingly depressed, hopeless, and I have no sexual desire. He is not perfect, and I certainly am not. I just need someone who gets it...its a constant demand for sexual intimacy and I just don't know how to respond. With his hormones and my stress, we just go to a bad place. I like girls, I am attracted to women, to their shape, chests, etc. and he does not have that now. I have dated men and always had this problem with intimacy. I can connect with anyone on an emotional level, but not a physical one. I am just not spontaneously turned on, and it's every day for him. I know I am hurting him, I know he doesn't feel wanted, and yet forcing myself to do things I don't feel like doing feels awful - probably because of the manipulation I felt when I was "straight." I am just not sure how to manage meeting his needs, and not feeling used or bad about myself at the same time.
     
  2. Open Arms

    Open Arms Guest

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    Location:
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    Oh, I am sorry you are in such a painful place in your relationship mere. :frowning2: You are lesbian yet expected to enjoy sex with a man. That's tough.

    I don't know how to advise you, but I'll try. Would taking pills or using an ointment to increase your sex drive help? Would doing the cuddling, stroking, affectionate foreplay stuff and having him masturbate himself to orgasm help him feel satisfied? He could bring you to orgasm without penetration. Would that feel better for you? or does it feel awful too?

    Since you love each other, I guess all I can say is try to compromise and meet in the middle. Sex as a way of connecting, of loving and being loved, is so important to men as you know.

    I just feel something is under the surface here. Perhaps you were sexually abused, and it is one reason you are blocked from enjoying sexual intimacy? Abused not just when you were "straight", but when you were a child.

    Do you resent your FTM partner for turning the female body you would love into a male body? Are you angry at him because he doesn't get it? Or are you angry at yourself too? Would you consider therapy together? This might work wonders.

    Wishing you well.