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I'm scared

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by noname8387, Dec 10, 2015.

  1. noname8387

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    Since I started University I knew I wanted to go in exchange, even more if it was France. I was accepted into a school in Paris and everything seemed fine. One of the problems I have always been scared of is that because of my lack of ability of making friends, my social anxiety and anxiety in general I would not be able to enjoy my stay there as much as I wanted, and that I would be throwing my parent's money away.

    Living in Paris is also really expensive so i didn't know if it was worth going. It took me some time to deliver the application and they took some time too to tell me I was accepted, so I found out in the middle of finals. I was really focused on not failing and was even starting to think that I was not going, so i didn't fill out a form on housing on time.

    When finals ended and didn't fail anything I knew that this was a one time opportunity, so I continued the paperwork, but since I didn't fill out the housing form on time there is only a really expensive option, or else I don't have a place to live (I'd have to find it on my own with I have no idea how it could work), so that is giving me even more anxiety.

    My parents already spent some money on the process and I don't want them to throw away any more, (also the plane to get there will be expensive as well because there is less than a month left and I haven't received my visa yet). But the thing that is really making me freak out is that I started questioning my gender 3 months ago, it really affected my academic performance, I lived in anxiety the second half of the semester, and I still haven't gotten to a conclusion. I fear that this questioning will cause me even more anxiety while being there and have even less of a good time, or even that maybe when I get back I'll have come to terms to being transgender and my parents will freak out and blame it on my exchange. Saying things like "If we hadn't sent you there this wouldn't be happening", they don't know I'm questioning and I feel like I'm lying to them. Also if they don't accept me I don't want them to spend any more money on me, I just want to finish college and start paying for my own things.

    I don't know what to do and I'm freaking out!!! :help:
     
  2. Lin1

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    Hi OP !

    As a French person and former exchange student I REALLY think you should take that opportunity and spend next year in France. Exchange has been a life-changing year for me where I managed to learn so much about myself, my goals in life and about the world around me. This would actually be ideal for you to be able to figure out who you are.

    In France nobody knows you so you may as well use that as a tool to build a new identify that fits the person you really are and not the person people expect you to be because that's what you have been all your life (which would be the case in your home town where everyone have seen your grow and have expectations about you and your life).


    Exchange really changed me and made me a more confident, better, version of myself.
    It also opened many doors for me and lots of opportunities I never would have dreamed of having before exchange. Having lived, study and worked abroad as well as being fluent in now more than three foreign languages has been an incredible asset, especially work-wise.


    If you figure out abroad that you are transgender your parents may or may not blame it on France, but what would it change ? They will either support you or they won't and you discovering your identity at home instead of overseas won't change that. I think talking yourself out of exchange just in fear that your parents may think ''France turned you trans'' is a mistake as the benefits of a year abroad (long-term) are soooo much worth the possible bad outcomes.


    Good luck anyway, whatever you chose to do ! :slight_smile:
     
  3. Grounded Eagle

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    Salut noname8387 !

    I studied in France a few years ago and hadn't come out to myself or my family yet. I made no friends and stayed in my room most of the time because of my social anxiety. All that time alone did force me to face my sexuality, and I ended up coming out to my parents, who think (or used to think) that France turned me gay. As time passes, though, and we talk about it bit by bit (I have trouble talking to them about being gay, as they don't accept it), I think they're starting to see that France had nothing to do with it.

    While I did mostly waste the time I had there, I was able to salvage things the next semester when I moved to Spain and started over with new people, but I will always regret the lost time. What finally changed things for me was 1) the determination not to repeat my mistake, and 2) finding one or two friendly classmates and giving it my all to be friendly and fun with them. Then I was able to relax and expand my circle. I'm still a very anxious person, but that helped me tremendously.

    I guess what I want to say is, you are not alone! And as scary as it seems now (and it seemed very scary to me), you'll make it through and look back on the experience fondly in a few years! (*hug*)