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I Just Need Advice

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Diwer, Dec 10, 2015.

  1. Diwer

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Davis
    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Incase you don't want to read my drawn story - I need to know wether or not it is worth trying to date someone you truly feel you love in secret. Even if your parents will disown you and withdraw their funds if they were to find out. (Also Knowing that they said they will support my "decision" to be gay if I don't date that one particular person.) Backstory below.....


    So I've been in the closet for almost 8 year now after coming to terms with who I was at a very young age, but being extremely fearful for how my family would react. Well a couple weeks ago I finally came out to my parents, friends, and other family members (except for my dad's parents who I need money from for college and they are EXTREMELY homophobic.) I chose my timing, because my boy friend (in secret for a while) has been pressuring me to do so and I felt my entering college was a good time. I also knew the first time I would see my parents in person again after coming out would be on thanksgiving with my birthday that Sunday. So I guess I was hoping they would be lighter on me. Well... it was quite a roller coaster, my mom lectured me for about 5 hours with LOTS of crying, my dad was like "I'll love you for you," but didn't seem happy, my brothers were like "duh," and my friends (most knew) were excited I could finally be myself. Well then the Saturday after Thanksgiving my mom decided she hated, Michael, (my boyfriend) saying he is creepy, too old, blah blah blah, and lectured me again for two hours, again more crying. Also that she would disown me if I didn't break up. I called her again the next Saturday and with more crying she said "it was my choice," that she couldn't make me do anything, but that she would support me in being gay if I wasn't with Michael; at this time too she now basically turned my dad and one of my brothers against Michael as well.

    So anyway... for the time being we put our relationship on hold, but it is so hard being that he has been the first person I've ever actually felt anything for, I also feel like if I ever find anyone else my mom will just say the same thing over again, because she is in denial. "Anyone but so and so." Whereas on the other side I'm hopeful and in need of my family's acceptance and support which they claim they will give me if I dump Michael (and have so far followed through on.) Any advice would be awesome, even if it is just how to cope with all of the backlash.
     
  2. iamdesperate

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    From the people around me that experienced a short marriage, I would say that parents can actually feel if someone isn't right for you. I don't know how but they just do, and it turns out to be true. Probably because when we're young we jump on the first person that also has interest in us and we commit a serious relationship. I think that your mom's reaction is above you being homosexual, because she and your dad may have guessed that youre gay since your brothers and friends did, but she thinks hes not the right person for you. I don't know the deeper story but you really have to talk to her, listen to her concerns, maybe it is not just about age but something else. Look I am 16 and I am not really compfortable giving advice to an adult but I think you gotta talk to her and ask her what else she doesnt like about him besides he being a he.
     
  3. Ryuji35

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Out to everyone
    Okay, wow. That's a good story. Anyway here are my 2 cents:

    1.) Have a good conversation to your parents about their concern. People just don't like a person for no reason at all. Talk to them since disowning you for being with him seems to severe for just a nonsense hate. There must be something they knew that you don't. Be open-minded. Just listen to them and evaluate on your own.

    2.) They might see him as a big influencer. What I mean is there might be a chance they they think this older boyfriend of yours is the reason that you turned gay, that by leaving him, you'll snap out of your shimmies and be straight again . That he just manipulated you and influenced you. I am not saying this is 100% but there's a possibility that this is the case. Try and feel the situation.

    3. Obviously, your parents are shocked. Give them a break. Don't be defensive or just retaliate with whatever they say that might not be in your taste or something like that. They need to understand this. Give them time and your patience. The fact that they accepted you should mean more to you already, what they need from you now is understanding and your patience.
     
  4. CameOutSwinging

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    I'm curious, how much older is your boyfriend than you?

    When my brother came out to me as gay a few years ago, I wasn't surprised at all. I was only concerned because he was 19 and dating a guy that was 36. I just wanted him to be happy and safe, and sometimes there's a concern with that when the boyfriend is so much older.

    I've sort of changed my mind on this because this past summer, at 31, I found myself falling for an 18 year old. So I don't actually have a problem with it anymore (not that my brother and the older guy are still together...that blew up years ago) but I do sort of get the mindset from a parental point of view.