I've been best friends with this one girl(I'll refer to her as Em) for around 9 years. I've never ever trusted anyone more than Em, not my parents or my other friends. We were the first people to come out to each other, and I told Em things that I wouldn't tell anyone else. Em was like my sister, and we spent all of our time together. I was almost like Em's shadow. Junior year of high school everything started to change. Em became anxious, depressed and starting making really bad choices. I thought that I could fix things. She also started a relationship with another one of my friends that I had told her I liked. I felt really awful, but I just kept my mouth shut and didnt complain. Things just kept getting worse and worse, Em refused all my help. One night she disapeared. Her mom wouldn't tell me where she had gone. Her mom lied to me alot. Finally I found out my friend, Em had been sent to a treatment center for anxiety and depression. After a few months I finally persuaded them to allow Em and I to send letters. A few months later, 10 minute phone calls every few weeks. Em sounded so fake, but happy. Em's dissapearence kicked up a lot of dust for me. Having someone torn out of your life is one of the worst feelings ever. I became really anxious, nervous and paranoid. I became depressed and had panic attacks worse than anything I've experienced before. I feel like I cant trust people. Most of all, I feel so lost and lonely. I have a lot of friends, but I feel like I can't fully trust them all, and I wish they cared more. I'm talking to a therapist, but its so difficult and tiring to get my feelings out. I just feel so alone. Em has returned home almost a year later. I don't see her tht often and she has apoligized about some of the things that had happened. She is such a happier, more aware person. I don't know what to tell her about my current state. I feel awful. I want a best friend more than anything in the world. I guess this is just sort of a rant. Im sorry.
