A gay moment with my straight friend... what to do?

Hi everyone,

I have never posted anything of this kind on the internet before but It’s occupying my head to such a degree that I have to ask for your opinion.
I’m 25, bi, tall, fit and dark haired, very straight acting and have only straight friends. One of these friends (we’ll call him Kevin) comes by my place (I live alone) every week or so and we just hang out, eat, smoke watch some movies etc. Kevin is a fairly recent friend who I’ve made over the past few months, and he is beyond gorgeous. He is part time lifeguard, part time bartender - muscular, tall, blond and blue eyes, and the face of an angel. I’ve had a crush on him since the day I met him, but I keep my cool and act regularly when he’s around.

However, yesterday was no ordinary hangout. At some point we got to the subject of sexuality, when I told him I think no one is completely straight. He asked if I see myself ever sleeping with a man (he doesn’t know I’m bi) and I replied “totally”. He smiled and said he doesn’t feel any attraction, but who knows. Now, I’ve always had my suspicions about him – even though he’s a hunk, he has NEVER had a girlfriend (he’s 24) and he said he hasn’t had sex with a girl in over a YEAR. But on the other hand, he’s about the most straight acting as they come, constantly talking about girls and boobs and asses and all that good stuff.

The moment it got weird was when I escorted him to the door to say goodbye. He gave me a massive hug and kissed me on the neck (as he often did). Then, just as he was leaving, he stopped and asked “say bro… do you give good massages?”. Confused, I replied positively and he said he was feeling “really tight” and wanted me to rub his back. Slightly weird, but I thought what the heck. So he came back into the house and sat down on the sofa when I began touching him and rubbing his back. Then he said “bro… I think I need to lie down to really feel it. Can we go to your bed?”. This is when it really hit me that I might have a chance. We went to my bed, he lay down on his belly and I sat down on his back and started rubbing him intimately. No matter where I went, he didn’t push me back or say anything. At first I massaged him through his clothes, but then I went deeper, and eventually I was rubbing his body with my hands. At first it started with his shoulders and back, when he replied “would you mind going a little lower?” and as I started doing as he requested he continues muttering “lower… lower…” until I was basically rubbing his (perfectly round and smooth) ass with my hands. I was so turned on that I started having a massive boner which was positioned exactly on THAT area, and he didn’t say a thing. All this time he was moaning and groaning as my “treatment” when from massage to fondling until I was eventually just sexually touching his entire body with my hands. This continued for a very long time, I think about 20 minutes, and then… nothing. I got off, and he started talking about girls and shit again. While he was talking I couldn’t focus and just stared at his beautiful blue eyes and blond stubble and just wanted to jump him and French kiss the hell out of him. He is so completely straight-acting that it really throws you off. He eventually went home at around 4 AM, and gave me a huge hug while kissing my neck again. And that was it.

So, I have several questions. Based on this story, do you think he might be bi-curious and into me? Should I try pursuing that, or would it just jeopardize our friendship? And in case I should, how should I go about it?

 

I'm hesitant to ask him about his sexuality. I don't want to intimidate him or scare him off. I've been thinking about it some more and remembered something else - as he was walking out while I was closing the door, he stopped, turned around and said "I want another hug" and gave me a massive bear hug, like a wife whose husband came back from war haha. That really doesn't sound very platonic does it?

He's coming over again in a couple of days and I'm a bit nervous. I'll be honest - I want to seduce him. On the other hand, I don't want to lose him as a friend. Giving up on either one of those seems unfathomable to me. What should I do?

 

That's what I thought. If he decided to ask for something so intimate of me for the first time only after I told him I was willing to sleep with a man, surely it can't be unintentional.

So I've got beers in the fridge, some good weed and a movie - everything you need to get someone in the mood. I'm still totally skeptical that something will happen if only because he is - so- straight acting that it's hard for me to imagine him actually doing anything with another dude, but we'll see. I'll keep you posted for sure

 

Oh boy. Was not planning to post a follow up to this story, but it looks like some of you guys are interested in a sequel, so I'll tell you what happened last night. Spoiler: it ain't good.

Kevin came by my place again yesterday night. As far as our friendship goes, it was by far the best hangout we've had - we had some snacks, drank some beers, smoked some pot and were in an overall great mood. He told me a lot of personal stuff which he claimed he's "never told anyone" about his rough childhood, depression, extreme OCD etc. I realized he's a lot more fucked up than I thought, but I appreciated his openness and hoped it would further my intentions. It's sleazy and cheap, I know, but all I could think about was getting him into bed. Don't get me wrong, I've got a lot of attractive friends, but he's the only one I'm genuinely attracted to.

At one point, he was going on about how open we are with each other, when he suddenly ran his hand all over my my thighs and hips, as if to demonstrate how unbound by social norms our relationship is. He then offered to return the favor from the other day and give me a massage, to which I predictably obliged.

So we went to my bed, I lay on my stomach and he immediately sat on top of me with his legs around my hips. However, he was restrained. He did not go under my shirt, rub my butt or press his junk against me as I did. After a while, he got off and sat next to me as I lay on my bed, my arm resting on his knee. He kept going on and telling me about his personal life, thoughts, feelings etc., and I was totally not in the mood for any of it. I was completely turned on and hard under the sheets, but I couldn't make myself make a definitive move (and oh am I glad I didn't). At one point he even looked at me, smiled and said "you are such a pretty guy", and then continued blabbering.

After a while, we both got really high from the weed and just lay next to each other on the bed. But at this point I just wanted him to leave. I was utterly tired of the sexual innuendo, teasing and hinting, and I felt absolutely nothing from him. He had about a billion chances and opportunities to make a move, but he was far removed. And then reality hit me like a bat to the head. Dude just wants to feel loved. He's not turned on by guys at the least, he is not interested in "exploring his sexuality" with me, he just wants someone to appreciate and acknowledge him, he wants a true friend who he can share all of his life's woes with, and feel completely open and free of judgement and criticism. I honestly felt like such a dumbass for not realizing it earlier.

After a while, I (rather bluntly) hinted that I'm tired and wanted to go to sleep, he picked up on the hint and left. And then I decided that I'm done with this back and forth, and that one of two things are going to happen - either we have sex, or our friendship is over. It may sound selfish, but the truth is that I can't be the friend he wants me to be, this relationship of ours is a total farce, at least as far as I'm concerned. So, heart beating, I did the unthinkable and sent him a text, saying if I were to experiment with a dude, he'd be the first guy I'd want to do it with. I didn't care that it wasn't the most elegant way to to about it, I just wanted to get this over with and conclude this saga. A few minutes later he replied, and oh was it the worst case scenario or what. I was so enraged by the reply that I deleted it immediately, but it was along the lines of "haha yeah I'll pass bro thanks", with an attachment of a guy in a vagina costume.

I hate to do this to him after all the trust he placed in me, but this "friendship" of ours is officially over. I'm not mad at him, but I'm just not interested in him as a friend anymore, and come to think of it, I'm not sure I ever was. He might get hurt, but he'll get over it. I know I did.

 

It's funny because it's usually the other way around with me. Many attempts I've had of making gay friends failed because I felt they were trying to get me in bed, which is the main reason why all of my friends are straight. And with this guy, it failed because I'm the one who wanted more than friendship. That's certainly a first.

The harsh truth is that I'm not sure we would have become friends in the first place if I wasn't so physically attracted to him. His behavior is hard to deal with, constantly needing reassurance about his decisions and making dumb perverted jokes. I don't think I'm a jerk, he wouldn't want me as a friend if he knew what was going on through my head as we were talking, and I don't want him as a friend after this awkward incident. I have enough friends as it is.

Luckily it doesn't seem like I'll have to go through the unpleasantness of ignoring him, as while before he would message and call me several times a day, he has not contacted me once since our last hangout, which is a relief. I would honestly just like to forget about him completely.