i dated this guy for a little over a year. the last bit of our relationship was long distance, as he had to go off to school. everything was going well, he would visit pretty often and we would skype regularly. our relationship was never very physical, which is something i never really minded. he was never very good at talking about his feelings, but i just thought it was because of the drama he has had with his parents over the last few years. at the very end of our relationship, i noticed he was acting timid and he started missing our skype calls. i thought he was busy with exams. so one night he called me on skype, and broke up with me. it was short and sweet, and i hung up and cried for 3 days straight. it took a lot to get over him but after a while i started getting used to it. a month after the break up, he called me on skype and i freaked out, but answered anyway. he asked how i was doing and gave me the "i want us to be friends" speech and all that, and i told him i was good. i really didnt want to talk to him. but he typed out a message to me that said "my roommate is here, but i have to tell you something" and i started panicking because i knew exactly what he was going to tell me. he told me he was gay. some how i knew that was it, but i never exactly thought about it until a few seconds before he came out to me. i told him i was glad he told me, and that everything was going to be okay. i tried to be as supportive as possible, and that i wanted to be friends, i just needed more time. he understood and we said our goodbyes and i quickly hung up. i know i should be happy for him, and trust me, i am. i have dated a bisexual guy before and i didnt have an issue with it, but i cant help feeling angry at him. im not angry at him for being gay, im angry that he didnt break up with me sooner. after he came out to a few more of our friends, i found out that he was questioning his sexuality 4 months into our relationship. i felt angry because if he had broken up with me sooner it would have saved me so much heartache and i could have been with someone who loved me the same way i loved them. i sort of suspected something was up, because he would make comments about guys but i thought nothing of it. i just assumed he was comfortable with his sexuality or something. but now it all makes sense. i wish i wasnt so angry at him. i feel so bad because he was in this relationship with me that he wasnt comfortable in. i just feel like i've been led on. i made him such a big part of my life. he joined my group of friends, we shared our interests together, we went on vacations together and i was so dedicated to our relationship. now it just hurts to know that it was basically all for nothing and he didn't feel the same way. i want to be there for him as a friend once im comfortable with talking to him again, and i want to support him. i still love him and i want him to be happy, and im so proud of him for telling me and a few of our friends even though it was probably really hard for him. i just want to know how to handle these feelings, and if this is an okay way to feel about this ?
It's natural to be angry. You were an unfortunate casualty of circumstances outside of your control. I'm glad that you wish him the best, but it is okay to feel angry and hurt. Just take your time. You don't have to force, or speed the healing process.
I think that's absolutely okay and completely understandable that you feel that way. I think in time you'll feel less like this as you guys continue being friends and those feelings fade more. I once dated a guy before I knew more about my sexuality. Even in the relationship, I hadn't really started fully questioning yet. I tried so, so hard to feel about him how he felt about me. I thought something was wrong with me. Maybe I didn't love him in a romantic way but I cared about him a lot, just as your ex cares about you. And maybe he was confused about his feelings, he probably was very unclear about his feelings when he started dating you. And even after, he probably really wanted to make it work because he believed he still could make it work, that he could feel the same way as you. Maybe he even thought he was bi. Either way, he still cared about you a ton and probably loved you, maybe not in the way you did, but that was probably hard for him to understand and accept for a while. Anything he did, he did because he cared about you. Maybe it hurt you in the end but he certainly never would have wanted that and that was what he was trying to prevent from the beginning. And again, it's totally understandable that you feel this way. I just wanted to help you maybe understand how he may have been feeling more<3 I'm absolutely sure you if you guys continue being friends those feelings of anger will fade and you'll be able to move on and still support him fully. Don't feel bad about it, I'm sure he understands and it's good you were honest that you wanted to be friends but needed more time<3
I think it's normal to feel the way you do. You didnt know the person you loved didnt love you the same way as you did, but didnt tell you. Still you need to understand him. The whole finding your sexuality thing is very complicated and exhausting for some people. I dont think it was good from him to lie to you, but I can understand him.
It was nice of you that even if what you feel is anger, you are trying your best to understand the situation. The anger you feel is completely normal and understandable. But I hope you also understand that it's really not just about you. Like the poster above said, you were an unfortunate casualty of his journey to finding his self. But isn't that what relationships are for? I mean, that doesn't change the fact that you felt used like a tool for his selfish reasons, but I don't think he meant to do it anyway. Don't dwell on the anger. At least he didn't cheat on you (I hope he didn't) and that for me is one way for him to show his respect in the relationship you had. And the fact that he still wants you in his life should mean more. Don't worry, friend! I am pretty sure you'll just laugh about this over drinks 5 years from now
You relationship wasn't all for nothing, you experienced love and shared your life with someone for a year. Human life is though, it doesn't spare anyone from all the bad things in the world. Ultimately, there is nothing else to do but to accept our past, cherish the good, and remember the sad. It is what makes us human. In a year's time the anger and sadness will subside and you will be left with the warm memories of your one year together.
It is totally normal, one of my best (girl) friends was shocked and angry at me for not telling her sooner about myself, and I understand why, we are very close, but I told somebody before her, that's why she got upset. After a long conversation it ended with a smiley, I felt sad after it, so I'm going to guess you should maybe just give him some time as well, just to get everything together, because I know I need time as well after that conversation with her as well.
