I do not get these fucking people. They just do nothing but sit and judge, judge, judge, judge, and judge. This has pretty much been their life to craft this bubble for themselves and then judge everybody that happens to be outside of it. All my life, they have made comments about people and judging people for pretty much everything that they could and couldn't control. Well, now it looks like I might become one of the "judged" to them. When I first told them about my sexuality...... they just reacted indifferently. My Mom still thought it was perfectly okay to comment that two gay men on a TV show "makes her want to wretch", but of course that had nothing to do with my "supposed" orientation. Then, they start spouting a bunch of bullshit stereotypes at me...... but they say that they will "love" and "accept" me regardless and want to be "close" with me, whatever that's supposed to mean. Then, I think that I get them past that...... but really I just pushed myself back into a closet of sorts. Things smooth over...... then I decide to broach the subject again....... and I basically walked right into a land mine of judgment. I told them that I had feelings for one of my guy friends, which went over surprisingly well. My Mom didn't seem to be uncomfortable or grossed out or anything. Then, I asked her how she felt about everything......... now, the judgment is back again. She ends up admitting to me that she finds my sexuality 'disturbing'. However, she says that she "loves" and "accepts" me regardless of my sexuality.... but the tone of judgment seems to just hang in the air. Then, comes hearing a bunch of crap about aids and fear mongering. However, she still "loves" and "accepts" me and wants me to "love and accept myself" and make my own "decisions". Then, later on...... more questions come and more stereotypes are spouted again..... in response to something I had said. I basically sit there in the car getting grilled and judged about how they think I wouldn't be "able to commit". My Dad attempts to say that their grilling session was merely out of concern for me being "taken advantage of" by a "predator". I try sending them an email to explain things.... just expecting to wake up to more judgment..... since I still said that I liked guys....... that I liked several of my friends...... and would definitely be open to acting on things. However, instead she says of the email "that all sounds good". I haven't brought it up again yet, but from the way things have gone..... the judgment is just a big part of their lives and who they are that I doubt they will ever accept me, and I have a hard time believing them if they say that they do. Then, once I asked them if they would ever avoid speaking to me because of this (I ask them this question about all sorts of things, and they get sick of answering). She ends up saying that, of course she would. However, I go upstairs...... and I thought I kind of heard something else I thought I heard my Dad asking her why she was acting like there was uncertainty about it...... she had made kind of a comment not wanting to answer the question.... and I think I heard my Mom say, "well there would be". My Dad says that she actually said, "well there wouldn't be". They assure me over and over that they would never cut off contact with me, and now when I brought it up again.... I overheard my Mom saying to my Dad something about, "but nothing even happened". So..... I don't know about that..... but I really am fearing the judgment coming back down again...... and I don't know if I'll be able to trust them in the future. I just don't know how to deal with them here.
You are really brave to admit that to them, if they can't stop judging you, you must maybe just let it get out of their systems, don't talk to them about it if you know they are going to make you feel bad about it all over again. But if they do continuing, I suggest maybe confronting them, and maybe just tell them that they are hurting you the way they are talking and judging you and ask them to please just stop commenting on thing they don't know about and just accept you for who you are. If that doesn't work ask them if they want to see you get hurt, and more especially by them. I hope things turn for the better, but I think it'll be all alright for you. If not we are here for you (&&&)
Yeah, unless I talk with them about it and I see a different type of overall attitude........ I think it's going to be time to be with the people out there in the world that really care about me..... and I do know some.
Tbh, I would just ignore it. Sorry if it's bad advice, but if they are being judgemental but say that they accept you, ignore it. Otherwise, it'll keep going in circles and circles.
You know, this may sound far fetched...... but I think that when I talk about it more they will accept me. I have a way of being able to make things happen...... and I think that I can make this happen. I don't know, but for some reason I think I can do this. I can't explain why I think this, because logic would tell me to just give up..... and leave them behind for good. However, there is something in me that shows me that I am going to be able to make this happen. I have confidence with it, and it is nothing I can even explain. I'll give updates assuming it happens, and I do think that it will.
