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Maybe.... Time To Move On

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Contact1111, Dec 14, 2015.

  1. Contact1111

    Contact1111 Guest

    Joined:
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    Location:
    New Paltz, NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Unfortunately, it's starting to look like getting along with my family might not be an option. I was beginning to get optimistic about things maybe working out, because it looked like that whole interchange I was talking about with my parents behind my back might not have really happened the way I thought it did. To anyone who has read my recent threads, you'll know what I'm talking about. Anyways, I brought it back up again...... and then when I left, I heard my Mom saying to my Dad that I was "revisiting something that didn't even happen". Huh, the fact that she was saying they weren't saying things about possibly cutting ties with me seems like a piece of evidence that they most likely wouldn't be. I will admit that I still hold a certain level of suspicion about it, but I'd tend to think that it's likely that this suspicion is inaccurate. They had also said something about things I said about my sexuality to the effect of "that sounds good". I was starting to feel like there was hope, and that although things had been rocky, I could nudge things in the right direction..... and they'd stay there this time. Well, before I even got a chance to do that, some major bullshit just came up that I don't really think had much of anything to do with my sexuality. Anyways, they both basically went bonkers on me and started yelling at me for having talked to much (about things unrelated to my sexuality). My Mom kind of lost her cool, but in a way I could get over eventually. My Dad on the other hand ended up making a nasty reference to a long term disability that I've had. While I see that he said it in anger, I'm just really taken aback by that. I was just starting to feel like maybe all it needed was just a little nudge in the right direction..... and now I have another heaping mound of shit to deal with. I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow to see what he thinks, because he seems to think they are good people. However, now it's just seeming like one thing after another. Last week it was my sexual orientation and a bunch of questions about it. I was also paranoid about that dialogue I overheard, which now seems like it was likely bogus. Now, it's this insanity all because I "wouldn't stop talking". My shrink is probably going to say otherwise, but I'm thinking about doing the old leave and don't tell anyone where you're going deal...... just basically drop off the face of the Earth as far as they're concerned..... then, they can spend the rest of their lives wondering where I am and what I'm doing. Then, maybe I'd give them a ring in like 5 years and tell them how well I'm doing..... and then never call them again. I feel like I keep having this idea to do that, to just leave and tell no one where I'm headed. Then, I never end up doing it. Like I'll get pissed off at people for things that happened, and I'll tell them I never want to speak to them again. I storm off for a while, sometimes I look up plane tickets and stuff and start thinking about what I'll do once I "disappear". Then, a while later, I decide I want to work everything out again..... Then, I do. I work things out, and then something happens again. Then, I start planning this disappearing act again in my head. Like last week, I was considering doing that when my parents were questioning me about my sexuality. I was getting annoyed and angry about the idiotic questions, and I was seriously considering just leaving and never coming back. I was about to even tell them off and tell them of my plans to leave and never speak to them again. Then, like an hour or two later, I opted out of it and instead wrote them an email explaining things further to which they said, "that all sounds good". I was a little more pleased with the situation, and I started having hope that I felt could be nudged in the direction of support and positive feelings. Then, this happened and I'm running the whole disappearing act over again in my head. I'm also in my early 20s, so it's not like I'm a kid or anything. I'm just living with them to save money, because my job is currently shit. If I went through with this whole disappearing act, I'd take like the year's worth of savings I got....... and go out and get whatever job I can to support myself rather than doing the whole wait and work on finding myself and what I really want to do deal work wise..... like maybe even going back to college or something. If I do this disappearing act, I'd have to scrap all that and just pull myself up by my bootstraps however I can.
     
    #1 Contact1111, Dec 14, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2015
  2. paris

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Bohemia, CZ
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    First I think you should stop writing your posts in one block, it's really hard to read. Thanks. Secondly I may be wrong and I apologize for being a little blunt but it seems to me that you're not okay with your sexuality fully, still have lots of anger inside about it and need to blame someone for it. I think you should try to be more confident and calm down. What your folks see now is that you're some kind of a mess so it's understandable they are worried and can have doubts about it all. Just be confident in who you are and in who you like, then they'll come round more easily. (*hug*) P.S. You want them to trust you, but you have to trust them too...