my dad started to be really horrible,if i did something tiny wrong he'd scare me and say things that really hurt and if i started to cry he'd either say "im happy you're crying" or make a crying face and call me a baby. one time he got really mad when i didnt tidy my room and pushed me quite hard...then i started crying and he stormed out when he came backI've had a not so normal life both my parents have had chronic depression my dad doesnt get depressed any more but my mum has had quite severe mental health problems my entire life. Last year around February my mother had another episode forcing me to go and live with my dad and things were ok for a while. recently ive found out my mums boyfriend (ex) has a bad heroin addiction my mum has managed to overcome it and push down her mental health issues but she is in pieces im left to try and pick everything up,and act like a fully grown man (im 14). That was just the weekend,my dad doesn't know any of this or how much stress its put on me but hes still a horrible person,on to my dad for the first 13 years of my life i had a weekend dad and we got on amazing,up until i was about 8 or 9 i hated my mom (because i didnt realise the way she acted was because of her mental health problems) but when i reached my first year of highschool :tears:hen he pushed me.when ever this happens he makes me forgive him and then i goes back t normal for a week or two I didnt get a choice to live with him either he said that if i moved in it would have to be for a very long time but what was i supposed to do? i was twelve and my mum was in a mental hospital today my room was messy because i was working on a big project and then all the shit with my mum's boyfriend happened so i was tired ive had three hours of sleep in the past three days a long way put my room was untidy he came in started throwing my stuff around the room pushed me and then said tidy it because it wasnt to his standard after i tidied it. he had knocked my jacket off the wall hook sohe picked it up and went to put it on the bckof my door i was looking because he wasnt putting my jacket where it lives and he turns round gets right in my face and starts screaming " come on then! you trying to stare me down bitch? come on tough guy" i asked why he was being so mean and he turned it around and said everything was my fault. he then took a box and lobbed it down the stairs soon after he kicked all the supplies for my project down the stairs,and then got in my face again and said"if this happens again im going to come in here and smash everything in this room to pieces,i'd never lay a finger on you but everything in here is getting destroyed" he makes out that he'd never hit me but i feel like he will i constantly have my guard up when he's angry just incase and hes just so horrible. ive talked to one of my teacher and she said its my choice where i live so im going to see if i can open up to her tommorow and go back to my mum.even if i dont see my dad fora while it might make me feel better
britishbakura, first of all let me say that I feel for you. I had also kind of a hard childhood with my mom having untreated chronic depression and my dad being mostly at work until very late. (He has his own business and is also a full time fireman.) With respect to your question, the things you described most certainly qualify as emotional abuse. You did well by talking to your teacher. Hopefully things will sort out for you. As a final note I would like to say that sounds like you are taking this in a very mature way for your age. It also sounds like your father is not feeling emotionally very well either and it might very well be he does not realize the kind of damage he is doing to you. All the best and let us know how things turn out.
Yes, this is emotional abuse. There are threats. You are scared, rightfully so. Do whatever you have to to get yourself in a safe place.
its not a healthy situation for you .. although things may improve hopefully but start with your teacher, and maybe school counsellor if you have one. You need support and someone in real life to talk to good luck with it
Yes, that is abuse. He doesn't have to actually hit you to be abusive. Just the threat is enough. Does he ever scare you? Does he control everything? Do you feel you have to walk on eggshells and manage his moods to avoid a blowup? If the answer is ever "yes", then that is abuse. Try to remove yourself form the situation if you can. Talk to teachers, counselors, whoever will listen. Do whatever you need to do to be safe. Do not stay with the abuser. And this applies to all abusive situations, whether a parent or a spouse. Get help and get out. Abuse does not get better. And you don't deserve that. It is NOT your fault.
You sound like you're describing my childhood. While my parents haven't divorced yet, my dad always saw me as someone to make him look good, and had all these unreasonable expectations of me that I obviously failed to meet, so he sees me (and my mom, really, as well) as nothing more than a verbal punching bag that he can take out his work stress and frustration on. Until I go back to my university next fall, I'm still coping with the fact that I have to constantly live in fear the next 8 months. What our dads do is not just emotional/mental abuse, it's also narcissism. They both have no understanding or concept of the fact that what they say and do affects other people and they rationalize it by saying you deserve the abuse. You'll get out of there eventually, and so will I. After that, drop him like he's on fire. Don't make a scene out of it, but stop calling/visiting/writing, etc. and move on. Live your life, and don't ever take that shit from anyone else.
I had a talk with my teacher (shes more like a school councillor) and she said that i need to tell my mum and move back in with her. today i came back from school and took more abuse off him,because i got paint on my bed im a liar apparently and my room still isnt tidy enough for him. he hit my TV,called me all names under the sun and called my hobbies gay(yes he is that stupid that the word gay can still be used as an insult) because im nerdy. I am going to have a serious chat with my mum and hopefully move out soon if you have any other advice id appreciate it Thanks britbakura :bang::***:
Hey, I'm not a Brit so I don't really know the system in the UK. However, based on Googling I came across these website which offer a 24/7 helpline for children and minors. It appears to be run by the Liverpool city council so it should be trustworthy. However, I don't know how effective they are but they are sure to know how you should proceed and what kind of social help programs there are available for you and your mom. From the website: Careline: 0151 233 3700 Reporting Concerns | Liverpool SCB Careline child services - Liverpool City Council Also, this might be a bit silly question but have you told your dad that his behavior is hurtful? Sometimes people act badly because their life is in pieces. And you said that you had a great relationship with your dad before. If you feel up to it and you are not worried that he might use physical violence on you, I would recommend you talk to your dad and explain how you feel because his behavior. It might not work but it's worth a shot. Please tell us, how things turn out.
Yes ive tried many a time to explain how hurtfull he is but he doesnt care he just turns it back on me,for example (this one happened yesterday but ive spoke to him when hes been calm too) i asked why are you being so mean to me? and he said that i was the ne being men because i was making him do this by not tidying my room. it just seems like he ony cares about him,his possesions and how i treat my room (but he can come in a punch TV's because logic) thanks to everyone who has offered me advice btw im very grateful
I see. I'm sorry that did not help with your dad. It's not your responsibility to make your dad to see the light and it's possible no one can. You have done the best you can in your circumstances. Also, I hope you don't take his malignant accusations and behavior personally. It's never the child's fault if the parents have deficits and it's never right to blame the child. Please, contact the help line. I'm sure they can assist you somehow. Do you have any relatives who would live close by who might let you stay with them for the time being? Maybe grandparents, uncle or aunt? Don't forget to tell us how what happens. You are a brave young man and I wish you good luck.
From my own experience, child welfare agencies rarely take a child from a parent over emotional abuse allegations because it's so damn hard to prove. Physical abuse can be documented. Neglect can be documented. There's medical evidence of sexual abuse. However the scars of emotional abuse are invisible most of the time, and unless there's video or multiple witnesses, they can't do a thing about it, unfortunately. When I was 10, and in fifth grade, I'd been sexually abused by my cousin the summer before and I had been acting out and my grades were slipping. These are classic signs that a child has been molested. I slipped up one day and revealed to a friend, who then told a teacher, that I wanted to kill myself because of my dad's unrelenting mental abuse from his manic obsession over my elementary school grades. They spent four hours talking to me in the school office, and then later called Child Protective Services, who posted a note on the front door saying that if my parents didn't call the county within 24 hours to set up an interview time, that they'd seize me and my then-five-year-old brother. When my dad got home and found that note on the door, he put me in the car and drove me up to the elementary school and raged and screamed at the principal for a couple hours, calling her every name in the book, because she'd dared follow her legal obligation as a school administrator. (Here in the United States, any teacher, school employee, doctor, nurse, etc. who has reasonable suspicion that a child is being abused is required by law to report it immediately to the authorities, as they should be. Failure to do so is a serious crime here.) Little me learned a few new words that day. Eventually CPS came to our house and asked me a few questions, like if my dad ever hit me, did my parents feed me, and left and never came back. I'm not telling this story to discourage you, as the laws may be different in your neck of the woods, but it's also to say that I can sympathize with the way he is, as this is the kind of horse's ass my dad is.
