So, my girlfriend is very anti PDA. We live in a small southern town where homosexuality isn't completely accepted. It's in the Bible Belt, I'll just put it that way. Although our friends and co workers know that we are lesbians and together, she is very reserved about any sort of affection in public. When I say public, I also mean on the porch of our houses, or in our vehicles. The other day I gave her a kiss before I got out the car. We continued talking as I opened the door and before I got out I leaned in for another kiss (not making out, just a quick goodbye peck) and she declined because the door was open. I understand the anti-PDA thing, but I honestly don't even think about it when it comes to a quick goodbye kiss and it kinda hurts my feelings sometimes. I respect her feelings in every way but I really wish there was a way to get her to open up a little. She's been out longer than I have and said that she was surprised to find that I was more affectionate in public than she expected. When we go to dinner and stuff, we don't hold hands and I just miss that. I don't want to make out in public, grab her butt or boobs, or anything that would be throwing it in other's faces because that is definitely not who I am. I am reserved about sexual attraction. I just want her to be comfortable to hold my hand at a romantic dinner or give me a peck on the cheek before we part ways in separate vehicles or something like that.
I'm of the same mindset. Seeing straight couples practically swallow eachother's faces in public, and grab eachother's asses/boob's/etc. makes me want to gag sometimes. Lots of people still feel the same way about same sex couples, so i can understand your girlfriend's thinking. It sounds to me like she feels one of two ways. 1. She doesn't want to make people uncomfortable, since you live in a town where homosexuality isn't widely accepted. Or 2. A lesbian couple would stand out, and draw attention. Perhaps she has a but of mild social anxiety, which is why she doesn't want to flaunt around that she's different/against the norm. But a quick peck on the cheek, hand holding, or a hug should be perfectly fine, since there are PLENTY of straight women who show that level of affection to eachother publicly. If you haven't already, tell her how much this hurts you, and how it seems like she's pushing you away. If she really loves you, she should be open to compromise after you tell her how you feel.
Has she ever said why she doesn't care for pda? Does she come from a family who don't display affection? I can see that playing into it if that's what she's used to from growing up. Or does she feel threatened in public or afraid of being a spectacle? I wonder if she could become more comfortable by starting small by increasing your public acts of affection. So, for example, on the porch, start by sitting side by side, touching down the length of your arms but not holding hands. After she seems comfortable with that, try a goodbye "kiss" in the car which is just you kissing your fingertips and then touching them to her. Maybe if you practice these types of affectionate touches, she will get used to them and even want them and more due to how good they make her feel. Good luck.
Yeah, seeing straight couples do PDA, makes me gag. I would just try and talk to her and explain how you feel.
Hi Taken, In general, I am affectionate, & am supportive of (non-sexual) PDA:the type of PDA you describe. I think it is great that you are comfortable expressing your feelings to your girlfriend. But in this case, I agree with your girlfriend. She is worried about a negative response. As you state, your town is not very tolerant. We've all seen the results of homophobia. Maybe if/or when you have the chance to travel to an accepting and gay-friendly city, she might be more open to PDA.
It's just because she doesn't want to be embarrassed in public or mocked or get you mocked in public. In my opinion she is just trying to protect the two of ye.
I agree she is being protective, the consequences could be much worse than mockery or embarrassment. Homophobic violence toward LGBT happens.
Thank you all for the input. It really helps to see hear others' opinions and such to try to see it from the other person's point of view. Overall, I am the more affectionate one in the relationship. Even though I am newer to the homosexual life style and dealing with all that comes with it, I tend to have the "I don't care what other people think" attitude. She is the more reserved type. I don't really care about holding hands in public and stuff like that. What bother's me more is like sitting in the car wanting a goodbye kiss (just a quick peck) and she won't kiss me because the windows aren't tinted or the door is open. But I'm starting to understand it more. Because she has been out longer, she has dealt with more of the judgement and glares and stares than I have and it does eventually take a toll on a person. But also, she's just not as affectionate as I am. Sometimes it feels like a rejection, even though I know it is nothing like that. Again, thank you all for helping me see it from another point!
