"Date" with a straight guy??

So I've been crushing on this guy for a long long time, but it wasn't until recently that things started happening. It began when we went on this retreat together. Before this we knew each other and would consider each other friends but we weren't super close. I remember seeing him get ready in the morning and I had to try so to not seem like a creep and stare for too long but that's beside the point. Long story short I wrote him a letter telling him I was gay and basically that I was in love with. Now something you have to understand is that in the context of this retreat this wasn't weird or too forward people were crying everywhere and life stories were spilt it was the perfect context for me to be doing this.

So he read the letter and it couldn't have gone better. I said in the letter that I was always scared to come up to him and talk because I felt I was below his notice and that he actually hated me and was only pretended to be nice and he said something along the lines of "oh no don't ever be scared to come up to me because I love you so much and you're such a great person and I am so glad to have you in my life" he pulled my in the biggest embrace ever and it was honestly one of the best feelings. In regards to me liking him and me being gay he just said "ive known for a while I mean it's not that hard to figure out" which I thought was funny but anyway at the end of our conversation he added almost like an afterthought "but yeah I'm straight as fuck" and I already kinda knew that but I couldn't help but feel defeated. But I just brushed it of and said oh no that's fine it's whatever I get it

Ok now fast forward to last weekend. I ask him out to lunch just me and him. We've never done this before so I was a little scared even bringing up going out alone but he said yes and seemed very excited to go out. We get to the lunch place and we have to walk around this mall for a while while our table gets set. The conversation comes easy we talk about life our families college we make jokes and just generally having a grand old time. When we finally sit down at the table he just says out of no where "so just want to make this clear like this is not a date like I don't want to be a dick and lead you on but I'm not gay so this is just two friends getting lunch" again I basically knew this but I still felt a little defeated and deflated but I just brushed it off again like it was nothing.

The worst part was that the rest of the time it totally felt like a date. It wasn't awkward at all after that one comment since I just pretended it didn't happen but None of us looked at our phones once and The conversations we were having about me coming out and my life as a gay person and personal stories about his life were not things to talk about at a normal hangout. So even after he said it wasn't date he directed the conversation towards topics that went deeper than normal. When it was finally time to part ways we hugged (ugh he gives the best hugs ever) and he said in my ear "hey I really had a good time" and standing there confused out date but not really date ended.

Idk I'm just putting this story out here to ask for your guys opinion on this situation.

 

thanks guys for the replies and advice! I already kinda knew what the response was going to be but thank you anyway. This person really is a great guy and it would be a shame if my infatuation with him ruined the relationship because i feel like we've come so far in that aspect. Now, I'm just going to try and focus any of our interactions on furthering our friendship rather than an image of a possible relationship. What my problem now is that even though i've told him about my insecurities in both talking to him and the stability of our friendship and he has told me a lot how he really enjoys our time together and how he loves and all that im still so nervous to talk to him because he knows i like him and i feel that if i act too flirty or be too touchy or if i act too gay that ill cross some unsaid boundary and freak him out because we're so different. I mean 1 hes straight and im gay but he also plays football and lax and he hangs out with all those people so i get especially scared coming up to him in school because he's with those type of people all the time. so would it be weird to ask to hang out with him again over the winter break? or am i overthinking everything (as usual :dry?