I'm unsure of whether I should bring up things related to my sexuality again..... or if it's a bad idea. Basically, when first coming out.... my family seemed fairly accepting. Then, they seemed to believe a bunch of stereotypes...... which I effectively dealt with by ending up back in a closet of sorts, where I said that I had "control over it". Basically, they probably thought I meant that I intended to life my life as the more desirable and acceptable "person with repressed sexual urges". Then, I tried to re-explain things again by explaining that I had a thing for my friend..... and would have possibly actually gone through with it had he been gay or bisexual and interested in me. They were actually quite accepting of this..... at first, and my Mom even wanted to play a game to figure out who it was. I felt pretty good about this, and I thought that things were looking up. Then, when I asked her how she truly felt about the whole thing.... she admitted that she found it disturbing and she seemed to have negative feelings about it...... she even said that she wasn't that rattled by it because she was "numb" from all the things that have happened over the years (unrelated to this) On the other hand, she was saying that she loved and accepted me regardless and she wanted me to love and accept myself. She also said that things were my decision to make...... and that parents "don't have to agree with all the life decisions that their adult children make." The overall tone seemed somewhat negative when I asked. Then, they saw a poster about AIDS awareness..... and remembered a neighbor they knew who died of AIDS, who was gay. That night, the tone turned extremely negative and even angry. My Mom was saying that since I am "so ornery" this just made her feel hopeless about my sexuality. There were even accusations that I was just "trying this to piss her off". That night was bad, and I honestly didn't know what I was going to wake up to the next day. I had never seen her seeming angry about it. I sent them an email explaining things more, and I said that I was bi and said something about it being good because I could have "more experiences" which they took to mean.... paraphrasing here "fuck as many people as possible". There was kind of a tension in the air it seemed, and at points they would get angry about things. I was started to think that this was it, and that the hostile edge would just linger in the air. Then, they began hammering away with questions about how I couldn't be committed, saying that I need to "point" myself in a direction, and that I was not pointing myself on the path to a committed relationship. She also began spouting things about how "women wouldn't be interested in being with me other than maybe a one night stand" (paraphrasing again). I could've sworn that I had talked to her about that months prior, and she could see that this wouldn't really be the case. Then, she even made a comment about how she guessed it was "any port in a storm" for me. Then, my Dad comes to tell me that they are just concerned and don't want me to get "taken advantage of" and that there are "predators out there". I assured that these concerns weren't anything to worry about with me. Finally, that night I sent them an email..... after getting very drunk because they were annoying the crap out of me and upsetting me before with those questions and ideas. In the email, I explained how it is for me..... and seemed to allay those concerns.... while still acknowledging that I had feelings for some other guys and would be open to acting on them if it's with the right person and the right time and place. She said of it, "that all sounds good". Obviously, I am glad that she seemed to get it now. However, I still feel like I should bring it up again somehow just to see that we aren't just going to go in circles and circles with this. She seemed sincere with saying "that all sounds good", and they seemed to be being honest. However, I'd like to know for sure that we aren't going to keep going in circles. The whole "that all sounds good" thing does certainly sound good, but it just wouldn't be good if at some point I realize that we're just going in circles....... and the same bullshit comes back yet again.
In my opinion you can bring up the topic again. However, I would also explain why you are doing it i.e. it is important for you to feel that your parents still love you and/or because you are still overwhelmed by your own feelings. Do your parents realize that feelings you have are beyond the control of your conscious self? If not, it could be helpful to point that out. There is no point in rationalizing your sexuality. Also, be understanding of your parents' feelings. If they don't celebrate or embrace your sexuality, it's not because they want to be assholes but because they probably genuinely feel confused and conflicted about it. Hopefully over time this will change but in the mean time, be understanding. Since they haven't forced you to "conversion therapy" or thrown you out of the house it sounds like they are not a lost cause. One final word: don't send emails while drunk and don't have important conversations while drunk.
I think I'll bring it up again tomorrow. When they were going into the whole rant in the parking lot a week or so ago, I was really losing hope. I was starting to think that it could be a lost cause, but the fact that they seemed to come around after I explained things more made me think that I could explain things further. I have brought it up a few other times as well, and there hasn't been any reaction that made me feel like they weren't accepting me. When I said that I had brought it up to my counselor, it wasn't really negative so much as just a sort of 'yeah okay if that's what you want to do' kind of tone. I think that explaining and talking about the whole choice issue may be good place to go. Things seem to be basically on an even keel, and I feel like bringing it up again would be good. The thing is I don't really understand why they keep saying "choice". The thing is one could make the choice to tell themselves that they have this "dark side" that they won't act on. However, in my opinion, that is not a healthy way to live. I could just explain it a little more maybe.
