Okay, so I'm dating a guy who's trans, and we've yet to get sexual. I want to, and I'm going to broach the topic with him. Given that I'm also trans, you might be wondering why I've got a problem. Basically, he's only just starting transition, and I remember how that tends to complicate one's sexuality. It can be hard to have people attracted to a body you hate, hard to take on certain roles, and hard to be naked around people. A lot of my friends who are earlier in transition just don't date. I was one such person, and never attempted a relationship at his stage of transition. So are there things that, in your experience, either of having dated a trans person, or dated as one, that would make things easier for him? I'm not using this as a substitute for talking to him about it, but he tends to be... timid, and I'm not sure how much I can get out of him. Obviously if he isn't comfortable with sex, I'm not going to pressure him into it. I also know his last (only) experience of sex was really rather shit, and was two years ago.
Hi there! I'm married to a trans woman and faced this very early on in our relationship. Communication is a big deal. You both have to be willing to discuss your needs. Something that helps with this process, because I know the conversation is scary and emotional, is to make it into something romantic. Start with asking questions like "What's your favorite way that I kiss you?" or "Do you like it when I ____ ?" and take turns, gradually working your way up to the harder questions like "What do you fantasize about?" and "What would make you most comfortable with intimacy?". It should feel like a conversation, not like a sex interview. But more than anything, be patient, and remind him that you love him, and that you will continue to love him no matter what.
