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a 17 years old want to date a man who is 39!!!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by joshy the queen, Dec 17, 2015.

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  1. joshy the queen

    joshy the queen
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    please don't go on age doesn't matter give me real advice on this :
    the guy is nice though and he didn't pressure me and when i told him about the age gap he said if i'm not comfortable we can call it a day and just not know each other anymore , i asked him what are we or exactly what do you want from me ?
    he asked what do i want
    i said a relationship like any two people who are together you know go out on a coffee and get to know each other a date and movie nights and cuddle under the stars etc....
    he agreed even said i can bring my friends and we can hang out some other time and have fun like any two guys who are together a.k.a double date
    he also said he isn't married or have had any relationships with anyone before and that i'm the first one and i kind of believe him he said he was always scared to get a number from a guy a stranger he is so old tech he still has an old nokia phone with buttons he doesn't use whatsapp or any social media he is living simple :lol:
    the reason he asked me is because well after i got off the bus i kept smiling at him constantly and looking and waving (i feel like an idiot)that he 100% was sure i'm gay to ask my number and not get turned down
    he said also that he knows what i'm coming from about asking what he want from me and that not all older guys want sex from relationships its just a fun part of being together and not all of the part
    he is cute and i like him and also like his personality but i'm scared shitless and confused and uncomfortable (he is pretty fashionable too !! with green eyes and blonde hair)
    is this good ??
    should i stop i can and its really easy right now i can just tell him we are over he seems understanding he did tell me today while talking on the phone that we can end it right now if i feel uncomfortable we agreed that on saturday if i didn't call him then we are over
    WTF SHOULD I DO
    i already asked my female best friend she said he is a pervert and i should really not go on with this as its not safe :icon_sad:
     
    #1 joshy the queen, Dec 17, 2015
  2. Chip

    Chip
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    No, no, no, no and furthermore no. This guy is more than old enough to be your dad. There's no way this can be a healthy relationship.

    I would also seriously question whether you could have a healthy friendship with him given the sexual tension that is already there. I think it's probably best if you simply break it off entirely.
     
    #2 Chip, Dec 17, 2015
  3. Euler

    Euler
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    OK, some questions:
    1) How long have you known this guy?
    2) Why did you wave and smile at him at the bus stop?
    3) What makes you think this would be in anyway a good idea?

    I tend to agree with your friend. Stay away from this guy. Sure, in theory it's possible he is not a dirty old perv wanting some fresh fish but then again chances him being are far greater than not being. The fact that he did not answer your question about what he wants out of the relationship and that then conceded whatever you said you want from it is a big red flag. Don't bother calling him if he hasn't your number. If he has, you can send a polite sms and tell him it's not going to work out.

    Age is a number but most certainly NOT just a number.
     
    #3 Euler, Dec 17, 2015
  4. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    Well, I'm not going to tell you that age doesn't matter, because it actually does matter - a lot. At this stage in your life you really do need to be looking for relationships with someone who is very close to your own age. Even a two year age gap can seem significant when you are in your teens and early twenties. I know some people think it's bullshit and they'll claim to know lots of couples who have made it work, but the reality is very different. It seldom does work out and it's usually the young person in the relationship who ends up getting badly hurt by the experience.

    Like this guy, I am 39 years old, and even if I could, it would seem totally inappropriate for me to date someone who is 17. From a relationship perspective, I would find it incredibly difficult to bridge the gap in maturity and lifestyle (and that's usually where it starts to go wrong). I just know it would be doomed to fail.. quickly. Most age gap relationships involving very young people do go wrong.

    I'm not saying any of this to be nasty, horrible or judgemental, but you do want honest opinions and that's what I am offering.
     
    #4 PatrickUK, Dec 18, 2015
  5. gravechild

    gravechild
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    Wow, what a creep. I'm 25, and even then would feel horrible taking advantage of someone your age. Really, I doubt he has anything in mind other than sex and taking advantage of someone inexperienced and still developing.

    You might feel okay for a while, or your self-esteem could be shot to hell. I've dealt with guys like this, and they don't see us as equals. They're getting the better end of the deal here, although some guys can make it work to their advantage (usually out of financial necessity).

    Don't let him pressure you, also.
     
    #5 gravechild, Dec 18, 2015
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