I feel obsessed with my boyfriend

Healthy relationship should be a two way street. If you aren't happy with how things are, you shouldn't feel trapped by the fact he has more experience dating than you. I agree that it is important to fill your day with things that you enjoy and keep you busy, however, it is important that you boyfriend not ignore your needs in the relationship as well. There is indeed a fine balance and you should be able to communicate with him if you have issues.

I'll admit I struggle with this at times as well. Although, if he isn't willing to make an effort to make you happy then I think you can do better and find someone who will do the little things you enjoy.

 

OK. I identified a few things.

1) Like you said you have self-confidence issues which I suggest you try to sort out in any case. It will be a HUGE asset in any part of your life. If you have the chance and opportunity, perhaps you would like to consult a psychologist? If not, the try reading up on self-confidence and self-esteem.

2) It is quite normal in a relationship that one is more eager about the other. However, this difference should not be too big. To me it sounds like that this guy is not interested in having a relationship. My bet is that he just wants sex from you.

He also sounds like a kind of jerk or immature if he treats your need for non-sexual physical intimacy with that kind of sarcastic way. Unless you are in the very beginning of the relationship seeing once a week or once in two weeks it's kind of little.

3) It doesn't sound to me that treats you even with minimum respect. Taunting you to be gay when you try to address an issue sounds a little like he is looking down on you (Obviously I wasn't there so can't say for sure but it sure sounds it.)

4) Bisexuals are can but are not necessarily bi-romantic. This means he might be sexually attracted to you but not romantically. However, some bisexuals are also bi-romantic meaning they would do romantic stuff with you. Your BF doesn't sound like one. How old are you guys and what do you actually do when you see each other?

My advice is, walk away from him. You are not getting what you want and he is not comfortable giving it to you. Relationships are a give and take. Don't stick in a relationship where you only give.

 

^^ I agree with all 4 points mentioned above.

You are staying with him because you don't feel like you can do better. In fact, you most certainly can. There are a lot of people who would be over the moon by the attention you are willing to give. Don't waste so much effort on someone who doesn't treat you with respect or appreciate the things you do for them.

 

You don't sound obsessed or weird, frankly. But you DO sound way more into him than he is into you.

I hope you'll consider moving on if his behavior doesn't improve. You can try asking for more attention again but frankly he sounds a bit like a cad.

 

You are obsessed because he is driving you crazy, it's only normal. The way you describe him makes him seem to be a complete jackass, to be honest... Are you two not exclusive? Because I certainly would not think he is.

I think the self-esteem issue here is that you are letting yourself be treated so poorly by this guy you are infatuated with. You are probably idolising him in ways that he doesn't deserve, and I suspect that comes from your not considering yourself highly enough. Not responding to you about the plans you propose, and the sarcastic comments about intimacy is almost abusive. I really encourage you to think about breaking up with him, or your self-esteem will suffer even more in the long run. If you see him only once a week/two weeks in the first months of dating, then I wouldn't even consider him your boyfriend. This is clearly a red flag. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but you sound like a sweet guy, and you deserve a lot better I think.

 

You are obsessed because he is driving you crazy, it's only normal. The way you describe him makes him seem to be a complete jackass, to be honest... Are you two not exclusive? Because I certainly would not think he is.

I think the self-esteem issue here is that you are letting yourself be treated so poorly by this guy you are infatuated with. You are probably idolising him in ways that he doesn't deserve, and I suspect that comes from your not considering yourself highly enough. Not responding to you about the plans you propose, and the sarcastic comments about intimacy is almost abusive. I really encourage you to think about breaking up with him, or your self-esteem will suffer even more in the long run. If you see him only once a week/two weeks in the first months of dating, then I wouldn't even consider him your boyfriend. This is clearly a red flag. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but you sound like a sweet guy, and you deserve a lot better I think.

 

One thing I noticed is, to us, you have painted the very worst picture of him possible. Not once have you mentioned a single thing to recommend him. You have not once said something like how he makes you happy or at least how he is somewhat considerate. Something is up. Either he is a psychopath or you are infatuated. Keep us updated.

 

Talk is cheap. It's actions that matter. The fact he says he "likes" you is not even saying that much. It's not even sounding like he thinks you two are in a relationship or that he loves you.

Dude, I do way more romantic stuff with some of my straight guy friends than you do with your boy friend - and we are not even anyway romantically involved! If eating out is the standard, I have romance with nearly all of my friends.

When you are in love, you want constantly or most of the time spend time each other. It sure sounds like this is the case with you but it doesn't sound it's the case with him. Whenever he is doing something else he considers that whatever he is doing then is more important than you at that moment. If he constantly puts his friends and other stuff over you, well you do the math. It's your life and your decisions. You be the judge.

 

Is this the infamous hook up app that shall not be mentioned here? If it is what on earth makes you think it's a good place to make friends?!

I bet he was meeting one of his new "friends" from the app overnight. I'm amazed just how much compounding evidence you are willing to ignore. Sure, when you look any of those little incidents separately, there is a perfectly plausible and innocent explanation to it. However, when this becomes a weekly occurrence the evidence is said to be compounding. Suddenly all those little explanations together become implausible.

I hope you never have to serve in a jury. You wouldn't be able to find anyone guilty even if there was video evidence backing it up.

Finally some sense!

I don't want to sound mean but it sure sounds like he has made you his bitch. Everything happens at his terms. You provide him food, care and most likely sex and yet you get nothing in return.

The first step in claiming back your self-respect and self-confidence is to make him taste his own medicine. Normally I wouldn't recommend this approach but I have a feeling that if you handled this in a civil way he would probably not get the point.

Forget about the meal. Make sure you are not home tomorrow when he is supposed to get there. Go to a movie with a friend, do something nice, heck, do even something unpleasant rather than cooking a meal to this guy. Oh, and be sure not to inform him that the meal plan is off. If he texts you or calls you, just ignore him and respond him next day you completely forgot about the meal and you also forgot about replying his messages.

The second step is that you break up with him - and once again you forget to tell about it to him. Let him find out about it. Don't send him any messages, don't call and don't contact him any way. The next time he calls you, ignore the call. Wait a couple of hours and send him a text asking what's up. If he wants to see you, tell him you totally forgot to tell him that you guys broke up. And don't keep any touch with him after that.

And, please, don't fall for his pleas for trying to get back together. He most likely will try to sweet talk you out of it. Don't buy his BS. I've know guys like him and I know their game. You are just a convenient source of sex, food and attention to him.

I was just to about to comment that I truly admire your ability to think out side the box in making excuses for this guy. Don't even bother bringing up the whole issue. Just be done with him. Who cares where he was?

If you find yourself in an unhappy relationship, get out of it. I can tell you have trouble being confident and valuing yourself. The sad truth is that if you don't stand up for yourself, no one will.

BTW, this sounds like very teenage stuff. How old are you guys?

 

He is exploiting you because he is an asshole and you are easy target.

If you don't want to serve justice to him by "forgetting" to tell him, then just dump him right away via text. Politely explain to him that your thing isn't working and it's over.

You are being ridiculous by confronting him with his lies. It shouldn't matter even if he was telling you the truth and he had to come back home to care for his sick hamster and just when he was about to respond to your message you he fell asleep. There is enough evidence to dump him irrespective of this. If he is smart he realized that you realized that he is back in town.

Trust me, you feel much better if you allow him no control over you dumping him. Meeting him and confronting him invites him to feed you more BS which I fear you will swallow. It also implicitly tells him that you are willing to forgive him if he sucks up on you hard enough which he might do but then again things might go to the opposite direction. What if he after you confront him says that he has had enough of you and dumps you on the spot? How bad would you then feel when he robbed you of the only thing that you had control over?

 

Every time, no matter how tempting it may feel to sink, and to drown, swallowing bitterly the profound, if not terrifying yet irrational thought that you may never find his equal, reflect back upon your own conduct in closing. You should feel proud. You stood up for yourself and you showed the resilience and emotional maturity of someone who deserves to be proud. Always think back to this- back to this type of person that you want to be, whenever you feel yourself sinking. Think of how strong and dignified you were. This is the type of person you want to be, and you practised it today.

As to finding someone 'better'- don't worry about that for now. People have a habit of always spinning bullshit and disappointing you. But your own conduct, your own disposition- that self-confidence that you practised today, that should be your sense of certainty... No matter who hurts you, it will always be certain that you are the dignified and emotionally mature person that you are.

Keep writing to us

 

I am glad to hear that. If you ever feel that this is becoming too much- please remember, that you were fine without him for more than 20 years. You were fine on your own before, and you will be fine on your own tomorrow! You can do this.

 

I'm happy you finally dumped him and see him as he really is. My first love was a bit like him and I also was naive and choose to ignore the obvious signs. He also lied to my face which I felt really bad about since we begun as friends and then I learned that the friendship didn't mean much to him.

Don't worry. Time will heal your wounds so don't worry about it. Take this as a learning experience. Now you were forced to confront feelings that you were afraid to confront.

If you have friends who you can talk about this, it might help to talk to discuss your feelings with them. Allow yourself to process your grief. And remember,there are so many people in this world that there is virtually always at least as good guy than anyone you ever meet.